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Thursday, April 24, 2008

I Thigk I'b Sigk

When I conk out cold for an entire hour in the middle of watching TV, it's not a good sign. (The nice thing was falling asleep while bookended by two warm, purring cats with a third behind my head all pillow-like. They should market warm, purring cats as a sedative.)

When I then retire to my bed before 1:00 AM (which for me under current night-owl conditions is early) and stay asleep until 12:30 PM the next day, it's not a good sign.

When I must sleep with a Kleenex™ shoved up one nostril to, uh, keep my pillow clean and have to remember to swap with the other nostril when I change sides, it's not a good sign (and perhaps TMI).

When I must breathe shallowly to prevent hacking up my one remaining lung followed by other more lower-oriented organs, it's not a good sign.

Yep, I thigk I'b sigk.

And that sugks.

But I'm just healthy enough to be able to play along with a very short meme I saw earlier (somewhere): the 6-Word Philosophy of Life Meme. Only six words can be used to sum up your life's motto. Here's mine:

What's focused on becomes the goal.


Meaning, what we focus on—consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously—becomes our goal, whether we intend it to or not, whether we prefer it that way or not. So work on eliminating those subconscious limiting beliefs, because THEY are part of the goals, too, even when we aren't fully aware of them.

OK, that's it, I'm returning to my bed now.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Closed—ACHOO!

Home again, safe and sound—closing went smoothly, so did the farewell to the house—more later, as I am having too many sneezing fits to be able to type. Cold? Allergies? Dunno. All I know is I've sneezed violently five times during this paragraph. More later...


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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bittersweet Farewells

Tomorrow is the big day. I'm headed to parts south to attend the closing on Lot #2 of Grandma's property and to say my farewells to the old house.

I'm taking the camcorder. Even though the house is falling apart and the interior, thanks to the renters, bears little resemblance to the way it looked when Grandma was alive, I want to capture a video walkthrough for my own memories. If I don't, I'll likely regret it, right?

Because the house won't ever be the same. The people who bought it (I think that last contract was the agreement to sell, I'll ask tomorrow) plan to gut and remodel 90% of it. They're buying frame and land. I'm sure it will be restored to beauty one day... but it won't be ours anymore, and it won't be Grandma's house.

Even though I know it was a necessary move to make if I was going to be able to pursue my dreams, it's still tough.

Even though it was tough to choose between my childhood home in the suburbs and an actual farm, I know I made the right decision because it was a farm, but not a big enough farm, and I'm not ready to live on a farm quite yet. I'll be traveling a lot during the next few years—who would take care of the farm? Heh. Right now, better to board.

Even though Grandma died in 1983, and was in the nursing home for seven years before that, meaning she hadn't lived there in... well over 30 years, it's still her house.

Until tomorrow.

Of course, I might surprise myself. I might find that I'm removed enough now to let it go with love. I hope so. Still, I'm packing Kleenex™ just in case. The batteries are charged for the camcorder, the tape is in, I've packed a change of clothes (because you never know, do you?) and printed out far more maps than I'll likely need.

I'm ready.

I'll be up around 6 AM. So, think happy thoughts toward me as I face this. For it's more than just a lot sale. It's another farewell to a very big part of my past. I've buried my parents; now I'm burying my connection to Grandma as well as a lost dream.

But it's for the best. My loss becomes someone else's dream realized. My hope is that the good energy I put toward letting go of this to make someone else's dream come true will come back to me tenfold when I seek my own dreams.

One day, I will live on a farm. Only instead of a home that should probably be condemned or that will take at least a hundred grand to fix up plus the money to clear the fields and fence them, I'll be buying a farm with a house that's ready to go, and a barn and field that's ready to go, and all I'll have to do is move us all in.

Happy Trails...


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Monday, April 21, 2008

Career Driven

Good news, my ovary appears to be intact and the bruise is about gone. I've never had a bruise that left behind a big lump, though—my ovary, perhaps?

I've been under the weather this weekend—nothing major, just a scratchy sore throat and a bit more urge to sleep than usual. So I rested. If "resting" can be defined as sitting at the computer researching towing vehicles on Edmunds.com, CarsDirect.com and AutoTrader.com.

Yes, that's right, I'm car shopping. Er, TRUCK shopping.

Yes, I know I might sound a bit wishy-washy... because I've been talking about music for so long that it might come as a surprise to know that I've made a different decision about my career options. Don't get me wrong—I still enjoy composing music for myself, but... when I think about hitting the road with a bunch of guys (or solo), playing in bars, and the whole industry thing, I get SO tired. What a difference from 20 years ago—just seeing a tour bus or smelling bus exhaust got me all hot n' bothered because it represented ROCK N ROLL to me. I don't have the travelin' jones anymore.

But when the sun sets on a warm spring day, or even a cold fall day, and the horses are safely brought in from the pasture, everyone's tucked into their grain, and I've finished my barn chores for the day, I'm a bit sad to leave. If the day included horseplay, or better yet, some riding, my reluctance to return to "civilization" is even greater. The smell of the barn is intoxicating to me. Communicating with horses is the most amazing thing I've ever learned how to do.

I know it's a long shot. I know it'll take a big chunk of cash and time to get there. I know there's a chance I might not have what it takes to do this. But I've got to do it.

I'm going for it. I'm aiming for Parelli Licensed Professional.

There's no reason I can't keep up with the music as well; technology and online sales make all kinds of things possible. I just have no interest in being a "rock star" anymore.

I'd rather be a Horse Developer than an Instructor (of people) but they allow people to do both, and Instructing is a bit more lucrative than teaching horses.

See, I've been listening to The Clearing Audio every night for a month now—it has affirmations intended to clear your limiting beliefs and let me tell you, IT WORKS. I'm feeling much more peaceful, motivated, and alive than I ever have. (Faith has something to do with that, too, I'm sure). One of the affirmations Joe Vitale says is this:
"Don't ask yourself what the World needs—ask yourself what makes YOU come alive, and then go do that—because what the World needs is people who have come alive."
Well. I really enjoy music, knitting, weaving, spinning, sewing, watching TV, reading, writing, blogging, and having dinner with friends.

But what REALLY makes me come alive is being with horses. Playing with them. Riding them. Communicating with them. Understanding them. THAT is what makes me come alive. I am a different person when I'm with the horses. Even more "present" than I ever was on stage.

Besides, the music career I once had prepared me for this. Being a PNH Professional means being comfortable as the one in the spotlight, whether teaching or as a member of the Savvy Team on the tour events. (Yes, there is still a touring possibility in there.) There are a lot of performance elements to this. Quite often, Pat Parelli's students go on the road and, for lack of a better word, "perform" with their horses in front of large audiences to music. They teach good-sized classes (6-20). I needed those skills.

As for the music, if I were lucky enough to be selected for a tour, I believe I can choose my own music. They do encourage original artists—there are about three or four who are students and musicians that Pat & Linda have endorsed because they write horse-related songs—Mary Ann Kennedy, Katie Drake, to name a couple. I'm sure they'd be fine if I wrote my OWN music to perform to, instrumental or otherwise. I write horse songs.

But mostly, it's about understanding the horse, and helping horses solve their people problems. It's revolutionizing the horse industry. I love being a part of it.

So I'm on the path. The path to Parelli 3-star Instructor is as follows:
  • Progress through the three home-study levels (with excellence if you can)
  • Assess and officially pass all three
  • Do the six-week Intensive (Liberty & Horse Behavior, Fluidity 1 & 2 Riding) at the Parelli Center
  • Get accepted into the Professionals Program
From there, I can go the Standard route:
  • Do 14 weeks at the Parelli Center—4-week boot camp and 10 weeks of education
  • Become a 1-Star trainee
  • Spend the next year practicing (no pay—meaning, in addition to a j-o-b)
  • Do 10 weeks of education
  • Become a 2-Star trainee
  • Spend the next year doing small clinics (up to 6 students) teaching L1 & L2/assessing L1 (for pay)
  • Do 10 weeks of education
  • Become a 3-Star Instructor (I have three years to get there once I'm a 1-Star)
  • Spend the next however many years doing standard-sized clinics (up to 10 students), teaching L1 - L3/assessing L1 & L2 (actually employed now), teaching at the Parelli Centers
  • If I'm really motivated, I might move up to 4-Star—only the most beloved instructors get there, and they have to have been a full-time 3-Star for six years. Four Star Instructors teach/assess all three levels plus have some administrative duties
  • If I am REALLY LUCKY, I might be invited to be a 5-Star Instructor. But there are only FIVE of those in the WORLD. One has to be a 4-Star for eight years before even being considered. (This is considered "dreaming", LOL!)
Or, if invited, the Accelerated route, which is teaching and studying for three years straight on the faculty at the Parelli Centers.

To get and maintain Star Ratings, I'll have to do a lot of stuff: teaching, developing horses, taking courses myself, attending every yearly Savvy Conference in Colorado, being at the tour events, studying business and personal development (like the LOA!) and so on. It's HUGE. It's not easy. It's an enormous commitment. It's scary as hell. My plan includes getting a 14-month MBA (optional) because it could give me the edge over candidates without one.

Right now, I'm Official L1 (note that's LEVEL one, which is different from 1-STAR), studying L2, with a L1 Advancing horse. My plan is to spend this summer on L2, pass it, and get into L3 before the weather changes. This means attending clinics. Then go to Ocala for the six weeks next spring with my horse. Apply to grad school (if it still feels like a necessary option)—starts in June 2009, ends in August 2010. Work on L3 meanwhile. Graduate, then pass L3. Apply to the program for 2011.

Wow. I just realized... if I get in the program in 2011, then it's three years to 3-Star, plus six years to 4-Star, plus eight years to 5-Star, means... IF I made it that far... I would reach 5-Star status in 2027. At the age of 64.

Holy Moses.

Of course, I'd be happy just to reach 3-Star Instructor... and 3- or 4-Star in the Horse Development Modules.

So anyway, the truck.

It is possible to play in your own backyard and successfully pass the levels. But it helps considerably if one attends and rides in PNH clinics where an Instructor with a keen eye can observe you and point out what you can do better and help with issues. Cheerios and I have a few issues. So I want to attend clinics. We're signed up for one next month, around the corner from our old barn. The current barn manager is trailering him for me. But I can't ask her to trailer me all summer—she has horse shows of her own to do. So I need a rig of my own. I already "have" the trailer—the barn manager is selling her smallest one and I claimed it, just waiting for the estate to close to pay her. (She's holding it for me. She knows I'm good for it.)

Now all I need is the truck to pull it. The Buick Regal LS, aka the Mothership, is probably going to be traded in. I'm going used. I've looked at new, but after doing my research, leasing is out of the question (for me); buying new and financing is too scary when I have so many changes happening and not a lot of "time" for jobs in between career preparation; I probably could drop $30k on a new one paid in full and drive it off the lot, but... uh, that might impinge on my ability to move forward with my other plans (barring a winning lottery ticket), so... used it is. It'll be a trade-in plus cash and drive it off the lot paid for deal.

Surprisingly, there ARE a lot of nice trucks out there for reasonable prices. I've test-driven a bunch. Though I went into it a Dodge Ram fan, I've driven more F-150s. That's either a good sign, because they were leases or trade-ins on new (loyalty), or a bad sign (people getting rid of their Fords but keeping their Dodges). I'm not in love with any of them—one F-150 is pretty much the same as any other but for year and color. I really like that Pueblo Gold champagne color but the used ones tend toward white, burgundy or green. I can deal. If this PNH thing takes off, in a few years I'll upgrade to a 3/4 ton to pull a gooseneck trailer and maybe then I can pick a color.

So, I'm truck shopping. Wish me luck.


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Saturday, April 12, 2008

You Should See the Other Guy

The other guy is totally unharmed. Because the other guy is a wheelbarrow.

I'd take a picture, but I'd rather not post my naked protruding belly online until I've had the chance to whittle it down a bit. But take my word for it.

When one is hustling a wheelbarrow across a yard to a burning, smoking manure pile in hurricane winds; and when said wheelbarrow (the deep kind) contains a load of heavy, wet manure measuring approximately 2 feet by 2 feet by 1 feet and weighing approximately 20,000 tons; one should ensure the smoothness of the traveling surface before deciding to move double-time (despite the imminent threat of rain).

One should also keep in mind that it is best to move in harmony with said wheelbarrow. This means that when said wheelbarrow decides to snag its wheel on a yard divot and come to a sudden and complete stop, one's physical presence should also magically come to a sudden and complete stop, because failure to do so may result in the acquisition of a bruise the size of a muffin and the color of fresh plums, courtesy of drilling the wheelbarrow's large wooden handle firmly into one's belly.

That's OK. I was done using that ovary.


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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Animal/Wollmeise Lovers, Listen Up

My friend Karen (Knoobie Knitter) adopted an adorable doggie named Vinnie.



He wasn't home long before he underwent a big health crisis. He's OK, thankfully—story is here—but despite help from the pet agency from which he was adopted, the vet bills are huge. Karen is having a raffle to help raise money—prizes include Wollmeise, Yarntini, and Yarn Pirate Yarn!

GO DONATE NOW!

Brief update on the Lot Sales: Lot #2 is sold (that was the first one). Lot #1 is pending. We countered. They countered. We... negotiated an option. It's not really a counter to their counter. Their contract asked for an additional 3% (on top of 6% agent commissions). Our lawyer had asked me why we hadn't negotiated that out? Well, uh... because when I asked the realtor about it they said sometimes the banks won't lend the money without it.

Um, OK. So we left it in the first time. This time, I asked if we could leave it out. So the options are, if we leave the 3% in, then we need to ask a slightly higher final price to cover it. If we can eliminate it, then we'll accept their counter as is.

The odd thing is, when I did the math, we actually stand to make more money if we take out the 3% and accept their counter. It's weird.

The best news is that because two of the three lots are for all intents and purposes sold and because it gives us enough financial leeway to satisfy the terms of the Will and "equalize" distribution against the house I received, we can CLOSE the estate upon completing the second sale! The lawyer agreed—AGREED—with me that the third lot is a bonus lot and we can just deed it out to the two of us since we seem to be able to agree on property sales and since it's a 50-50 split.

I'm so glad it's about over.

In final news, I'm taking my horse to his very first PNH clinic next month. It's my first in four years, and my first with a different horse. SO excited!


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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Seed Faith, LOA—It WORKS!!!

OMG!

Guess what was e-faxed to me this afternoon!

WE GOT AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now. It's not close to the asking price. But it is more than half. And, they are very willing to allow us to counter and to negotiate. They plan to gut 90% of it and rebuild—basically they are buying the land and the frame of the house. (And the outbuildings, I assume.)

This is all we needed to have happen in order to settle this thing.

Excuse me for a moment if any of you have God issues you might want to look away because I have something to say. I give ALL the glory up to God because HE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!!!

I also thank all of YOU for adding your prayers and energies to this!

All right. Now for an admission. Because if I don't make this admission, I'm doing God an injustice.

I did something I've never done before.

Sometimes I watch Joel Osteen. Sometimes I watch Richard Roberts. Well, Monday night I was watching Richard, listening to all these testimonies of how people had a need, planted a seed and lo and behold, their prayer was answered in amazing ways. This lead to an argument with my brain (it happens sometimes).

My brain said "Maybe you should try planting one of those seed faith gifts." I said, "Are you crazy?!? We have bills to pay and barely enough to cover us through the month! You want me to give away a chunk of that to some TV ministry?"

Brain said "Uh, yeah."

I said "What if it doesn't work? Then we're out X amount of dollars. We can't afford to do that."

Brain said "But... what if it DID work?"

Me: *crickets*

Brain: "So you make a charitable donation. It's getting spent somewhere. Might as well give it a shot, eh? Because what if it DID work? Have you ever tried it before?"

Me: "Well... no..."

Brain: "All your LOA books say giving money away attracts more into your life, right?"

Me: "Uh... yeah..."

Brain: "Even the Bible says so. Right?"

Me: "Right..."

Brain: "Nothing else you've tried has really worked, besides a lot of affirmations... what if this is the push you need?"

Me: "Uh..."

And so I mulled it over and I said "OK, God, if you want me to do this, tell me how much."

It just so happens that RR is currently running a mission for $100 seed faith gifts. Well, when you don't have a lot in the bank, that's a month's worth of groceries. Or an electric bill. I was scared.

But RR says "If it doesn't impress you, it won't impress God." The idea "give til it hurts" is accurate to a point. You can't give and be casual about it. You have to feel a little something when you give. Go just past your comfort zone. Well, $100 was just past my comfort zone.

So I called.

It was busy.

I hit redial as the singers were singing.

I said, "OK, if they haven't answered by the time they're done singing, I'm hanging up and forgetting about it."

The singers ended.

I was about to hang up and of course...

I started out with my pledge amount, then I explained my need: to sell the properties in order to settle the estate and end the rift and legal battle that threatens to ruin my family.

I got prayer.

As the lady was praying, the weirdest thing happened.

I began to feel warm all over. Not just warm. Not a hot flash. Not "the heater in the cat room just turned on and I'm toasty". Not I have a fever.

No. This was bigger. I felt like I was in a blazingly hot oven—heat, but no pain. It was that burning. All over.

It was kind of like being in a tanning booth only ten times the heat (and no benefit to my Ohio pallor).

This lasted until just after we hung up.

Draw your own assumptions.

Now, RR comes on at 11 PM Ohio time. The show ended at midnight. I was already in my nightgown with my post-showered hair in a towel.

I was paying by check. Now, I could have waited until the next day to casually write my check. But I didn't.

I got up. Pulled on my sweats. Took off the towel. Found my checkbook. Wrote the check. Put it in an envelope, addressed, etc. Went out into the pouring rain at midnight, IN MY NIGHTGOWN AND SLIPPERS, and drove to the post office to make sure that check was already in the mail. As I slid it into the box, I released my faith.

I'm calling in tonight to share my own testimony.

It really does work.

These buyers want to close on the 30th. Or earlier. Skeptics beware—I know all the many "but what ifs" that y'all could be thinking, but... if you were to read the tone of the letter the buyers sent, you'd know as I do that this IS our answer, that they are very interested, they are open to counters. They said "Please consider this offer, and accept or counter as you see fit. I am confident we can reach terms that are satisfactory for both parties".

Tell me that doesn't sound like a motivated buyer.

:-)

God is awesome.

So are all of you who lent your prayers and energy to this. Bless you all.


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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Beliefs

Belief: an acceptance that something is true or that something exists; a firmly held opinion or conviction; trust, faith or confidence in something or someone.

Opinion: a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge; an estimation of the quality or worth of something or someone.

Suppose that there are two people—let's make them female for the sake of argument—equal in every way: height, physical conformation/fitness level, ability, knowledge, skill level. There are two stalls in a horse barn; equally dirty. Each stall contains an equal amount of manure, good shavings, wet shavings, etc. The tools used to clean are equally balanced as well. Neither has the advantage over the other.

This is hypothetical, mind you. The fact that I'm using stall cleaning as the structure is only because I clean stalls several times a week and it lends itself well.

OK. So the two girls set about cleaning their stalls.

The girl in Stall A can't stand the job. She hates every minute of it—the smell, the physical labor, the dirtiness involved. As she cleans, she grumbles inwardly, complaining about how awful the job is. She is resentful of how much poop her horse leaves behind, what a waste of good riding time it is, and wonders why they have to smell so bad. Why can't they just live outside?

The girl in Stall B, however, is smiling. While it's not the most pleasant task, she does it with ease and a smile, because she is happy to be around horses, happy to be caring for hers, doesn't mind the physicality involved (hey, it saves a trip to the gym) and the smell reminds her of her favorite thing in life (horses). As she cleans, she thinks about her beloved horse, how much she enjoys riding and being with him, and appreciates the nice clean barn where he lives. She appreciates her role in providing that for him.

What is the difference here?

Stall A thinks of this as "working hard". She resents it. The energy she is transmitting as she works is NEGATIVE.

Stall B sees this as an opportunity to provide for her horse. She is focused on doing a good job but moreso, is focused on the benefits and the real meaning of the work: it means she has a horse! and that he has a nice place to live. She is transmitting POSITIVE energy as she cleans.

The difference is in the stall cleaners' belief systems and the type of energy that results from it. Same situation, two vastly opposite beliefs about it.

Stall A is probably not going to be very effective at convincing Stall B that this is a lousy pointless job and a waste of time and energy. Likewise, Stall B might have a shot at shifting Stall A's belief a little bit, depending on how firmly ingrained Stall A's belief system is; but not likely.

As I discovered through my exploration of alternate religions while living under the roof of Christian-based parents; through the process of becoming a student of natural horsemanship while boarding at a barn occupied by 98% traditional horsemen; and through my study of natural hoof care while being overseen by a traditional horseshoer; I've learned that it is impossible to "win" a battle of belief systems.

Both sides believe fully that they are right.

Both sides can provide support for their beliefs. Maybe not entirely tangible or provable, but to them, valid.

The ratio of proveable facts to philosophical or emotional assumptions is like 1:99.

Neither will change their belief unless they WANT to; one person cannot change the belief system held by another just by telling them to do so. It's an internal personal process.

It can be possible to sway someone who is impartial and unbiased towards one side or another if an effective argument is provided—and IF the person on the fence is unconsciously already leaning in that direction. (Nobody is truly impartial except maybe God*.) Sometimes someone will say something that triggers a profound shift, and the person's belief changes.

You're probably wondering where this is leading, right? Oh, great, Jeanne's off on one of her philosophical rants again, LOL. Well, I had—brace yourselves—an epiphany today. (Not another one!)

I realized that the real battle over the estate has very little to do with facts (property values/money) but is really about BELIEF SYSTEMS.

The reason I get so upset when I get yet another email from Lawyer or Nemesister is not because the facts don't ring true (they don't but that's another issue)—it's because the evidence being used to support the "argument in favor of giving the sister all the money and finding a 6% interest ambiguous-terms loan on my interitance" is ALL emotionally-based. It's all based on HER belief systems versus mine. That the lawyer has core beliefs that resonate more with her than with me is another issue.

We have very different philosophies about life. She believes that working hard means something and that if you aren't "working hard", you're lazy and therefore worth less than she is. If you're enjoying it, you aren't working hard.

I believe in the concept of right livelihood, that what you do for a living should be effortless and meaningful. Please note: I do not condone laziness or taking an attitude that the government "owes" me a living (ie exploiting government programs or individuals). The concept of "effortless work" is that if you are doing what you are truly called to do, if you are on the path you are supposed to be on, if you are doing the thing that makes your spirit sing, then you are pursuing right livelihood. Your days will feel effortless, which is as it should be. You find joy in your work; the least desireable tasks can still be done with joy and gratefulness; when you go home, you may be tired, but it's a good tired, one where you feel blessed to have lived the day, blessed to be doing what you're doing, fulfilled in spirit and mind and heart.

It's like what I've heard people say: "I can't believe they pay me to play music/ride horses/write books/teach underwater basketweaving/save lives/[insert job]". THAT is how it's meant to be. Days fly by because you are so involved in what you're doing that you don't notice it's quitting time; you are a bit disappointed that you have to stop for the day; you can't wait to get out of bed the next day and start again; 16 hours is not a long enough "work" day.

THAT is pursuing right livelihood. You don't have to be a musician to be doing this. If you TRULY love law, then being a lawyer is right livelihood. If you truly enjoy helping people overcome their emotional issues, then being a psychologist is right livelihood. If you truly find joy in restoring a home from filth to cleanliness, then being a housecleaner is right livelihood. If you love children, being a preschool teacher or mother is right livelihood.

Get my point?

If you hate what you are doing and find justification in the fact that you are proving your worth by "working hard"... you're on the WRONG path.

Yes, sometimes we have to do those things for awhile before we get on the right path, but you get my point, right?

My sister hates her job. When she was counseling people, she enjoyed it. But since becoming an administrator, she hates it with a passion and cannot stand it. Cannot wait until the day she retires so she can open up her own practice and get back to what she enjoyed. (I'm not entirely sure being a counselor is her true dream anyway; her fascination with serial killers and the FBI makes me think she missed her calling to be a profiler or investigator.)

Me? I refuse to do a job I hate. I did that. But I also did a lot of things that IF I had hated it, it would have been hard work. Like playing in rock bands. Not as easy as you think. Sure, you play music and travel and get the glory of being on stage—but if you could have seen some of the living situations we endured, the poverty—I remember one night driving three hours home from a gig in the band bus (refurbished yellow school bus) in mid-winter WITHOUT HEAT and it was FREEZING that night, we had to take turns huddling for warmth and driving the bus... you'd think we were crazy to be doing it. My Mother did. Why did I persist? Because I LOVED IT. Loving what you do makes the yucky parts tolerable. But when the BEST part of the day is intolerable, what does that say about the yucky parts?

After this epiphany, I realized that the reason I get angry when I read their emails is because they are calling me to defend my BELIEF systems against theirs. It's all about personal issues. But it's impossible to win—for both of us.

We cannot prove beyond a reasonable doubt:
  • Which one Mother loved "more"
  • Who "got" more over the course of their lifetime (non-materially)
  • Who is more "deserving" based on past actions/responses
  • Who is worse off
  • Who is more valuable as a person overall and therefore more deserving
Sadly, that's what this is really about. It might be what ALL such legal matters are about, including divorces. Who is the better person therefore who should be duly rewarded materially.

Sorry. It's hard to prove that. One can prove an unfit parent to some degree... people's dating history can be called into play... but tell me:

How do you prove whether one child is unfit, or more deserving than the other?

Even the Bible argues over that one (Prodigal Son; King Solomon, among others).

Let's face it. The Irish have been battling for centuries over who's right: the Protestants or Catholics. Have they made any headway?

Nope. Because it's Protestant beliefs versus Catholic beliefs: firmly held judgements not necessarily based in (proveable) fact or knowledge, estimations of value or worth.

Assumptions.

We all know what it means to ass-u-me.

I really hope the next epiphany is a clue as to how to end the war, given that the battle is a no-win situation with heavy casualties predicted.

Although... perhaps this WAS the lesson. They say that the lesson, once learned, need not be repeated. Maybe my realizing this and the thought energy it has generated is the catalyst to end the war.


*God, Goddess, Buddha, Jehovah, Allah, The Universe, Great Spirit—pick your Deity Name.



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