Friday, January 25, 2008

Wow, I Got Nuthin'

Truly.

Nothing.

About all I could tell you is that I decided to take the luxury provided to me as a member of the Workforce Liberation Society and spend the day meditating.

No, not sleeping.

Really! Honestly! Meditating! Or rather, "cleaning" in Ho'oponopono terminology. I also sort of did a hypnotic regression back to my birth time to see if any issues might surface. You know, the ones holding me back, stunting my progress and success.

The results are far too detailed to go into on the blog (and personal), but I will say that quite a few hidden issues surfaced, all were cleaned, I only nodded off a couple of times (to be expected when sitting there chanting to yourself) but never to a fully asleep/dreaming stage, and I did this from noon to 5:00. That qualifies as "all day", doesn't it? All afternoon, anyway.

I suspect I will have to do a bit of "maintenance" cleaning on these issues from time to time as I doubt one session would get them all up and out. But I feel... strange (from being in a heightened state for so long), very rested, connected to something but disconnected from this world.

You know how sometimes you get quick glimpses of the past? Maybe you have a fleeting recall of the way you once felt that's triggered by, say, a certain type of weather or a scent or something and it triggers a memory, but it flits by so fast you don't have time to catch it? Today I caught them all. The interesting thing is that they didn't just flit off, they stayed long enough for me to become fully immersed in my past "selves" of this life (childhood, teenage) during different timeframes, and to enable me to get a better examination of who I was back then. Some of it I brought forward into the present. It's funny but I feel more "complete" right now. Like I "remembered" parts of me that need to be here that somehow were forgotten.

I will share this. The underlying sense of sadness that has hovered around me for my entire life turned out to belong to someone else. It isn't, nor was it ever, truly mine. For 44 years I've been "entrusted with" (so to speak) the burden of heartbreak felt by my birth mother over losing me. It took this day's meditation/regression to get me back to a time when that first developed. I've since shed that, because it wasn't my load to carry. Do I feel 1,000 times lighter?

You betcha.

It's a blessing to know that the only sadness left is authentically mine, and it's the grief I should rightly have over losing my parents. But I am no longer transporting another's grief alongside of it.


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3 Comments:

At 11:14 AM, January 26, 2008, Blogger becky c. said...

My joy for you in throwing away sadness and feeling lighter is just a teeny bit marred by my jealousy that you spent all afternoon sitting still and chanting and nobody yelled "mom!" at you even once. Sigh.

 
At 6:49 PM, January 26, 2008, Blogger Sheepish Annie said...

It's odd the stuff we carry, isn't it? I mean, logic dictates that we should know the difference between "mine" and "theirs." But it doesn't always work that way, I suppose.

 
At 3:32 PM, January 27, 2008, Blogger Robin said...

You meditated for 4 hours straight!?! You go! I have had friends do the regressions and the results have been very interesting. I would love to do one and to be close to a yoga/meditation center. Congrats to the new you and the stuff you unloaded! Have you read the book Eat, Pray, Love??? Very good.

 

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