Desperation Point

Remember way back last year when I needed to move my horses to a safer barn?

No, they are still there, but it got me thinking... I'd been wanting to move them for months, and had half-heartedly looked for new barns, but found none to my liking. I knew what I wanted in a barn—naturally-inclined so I could do my PNH out in the open, someone who'd feed my diet rather than theirs, and so on. I had very little hope of finding that barn. So, we stayed, and I fretted.

Then suddenly it became imperative that we move, and move NOW. Within 24 hours, the very barn I wanted appeared out of nowhere.

So what was different?

I think I've figured it out, and Wayne Dyer confirmed it.

Desperation is a killer. It is extreme yearning and lack, and it has a nasty vibe that pushes away the very thing you desire to attract. But sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are desperate. How does one let go of that feeling, especially in a life-or-death scenario?

Doesn't it seem like the moment you no longer want something, it magically appears? Law of Attractionists have been saying that for years—let go of the desire and desperation and be OK with any outcome and it will manifest.

Yeah. Easy for you to say, eh? No, I'm fine with having no money for food, sure I am, says the poor man.

The letting go method is what I call the "Doesn't Matter" method. It doesn't matter if it happens or not, I'm OK either way.

The odd thing is, I realized that Desperation also has a bit of "I'm OK" in it. I'm panicking because if things don't change soon, I'll be done for, but I'm still kinda OK... for the moment.

That's what I'm talking about. It's the juxtaposition of "I'm kind of OK but I'm really not OMG HELP" that causes the problems.

But when you are in the middle of Desperation, it's very hard to get to Nahhh, I'm OK either way.

Today I realized there is a third option. Determination. That's what I invoked the day we found the new barn. I went from this isn't good but I guess we're still OK for now to we are absolutely NOT OK anymore, it is time to move and we are moving NOW and that is THAT.

I was absolutely, 100% determined that we were moving right away and there was no room for a single question in my mind.

Not long after having this revelation, I resumed reading Wayne Dyer's "Real Magic" and there it was, a few pages ahead. He says, and I paraphrase,

instead of wishing and hoping, get into the active language of intention. Rather than saying "I wish I could get over this illness" or "I hope I get well soon", begin to think "I intend to heal myself of this illness".

Isn't that exactly what I did? For months, I said:

Gee, I wish I could find a natural barn, a better place for my horses. Gee, we really need to move soon.

After the Incident with the Barn Manager and the Raving Boarder, it changed to:

That's IT. We are MOVING. I am finding a safer, better, natural barn and we are moving.

The first was wishing/hoping; the second, intention.

I guess the lesson here is, if you can manage to be in "Doesn't Matter" Mode, then be there. But if you can't, then move out of Desperation and into Determination/Intention.

Therefore...

I wish this estate nonsense would end already is no longer my mantra. It is now...

I intend that all three properties (mine and the two estate lots) are sold immediately, and the estate is closed shortly thereafter. I intend to be more than $100,000 wealthier within 30 days.

PERIOD. And that's that.

I also intend to have a happy birthday tomorrow despite it all.

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Labels: musings

posted by Jeanne @ 8:33 PM