Happy Thanksgiving, Yeah, I Still Exist

Apparently I don't knit enough lately to be blogging about it.

I'm just popping in to wish my long-lost readers (if you're still out there) a very Happy Thanksgiving, and Merry Impending Christmas. Mine was spent with friends and it was good. Though three of us were incredibly worn out from lack of sleep, as the night before one of us had been performing with his cover tune band, and the other two of us had been manning video cameras shooting footage that might become a promo video to help the band get better gigs.

If you would, please send me some major positive financial juju and say a prayer for some immediate financial miracles. You'd think with the closing of the Estate that things would have turned around. Not so much.
It took so damned long, all the money just trickled away keeping me alive between jobs (few and far between). And the mortgage on The Albatross is due again in two days (how does that happen, I wonder?) and things are a tad tighter around here than I'd like them to be.

Without a miracle, it could be the unintended beginning of the parting of ways between me and the Albatross without the benefits I was expecting to get from having hung onto it through thick, thin and thinner. So say a prayer or three. I never imagined life without parents or a backup plan could be so... impossible, scary, and impossible. (Yes I said "impossible" twice. No other word seemed to fit.)

I guess I'm saying, to those of you who still have helpful parents, supportive spouses, good jobs, plenty of income, an active credit limit, and a thriving IRA, be VERY thankful. Every day. The personal ecosystem is fragile, and all it takes is one surprising little misstep to pull the wrong log out of the Jenga tower that is our precarious lives and watch it systematically come crashing down.

I'm just thankful for what I still have, and keeping the faith. I know that a positive mindset attracts better outcomes than a negative one, no matter how things appear in the "now". One upside to the mortgage issue: it's not the house I'm living in. It's the house I was expecting would sell and due to years of equity, provide me with the funds to really start over (to replace the ones eaten alive by the stagnant Estate nightmare). I still have a home for the foreseeable future. I still have heat and electricity and water and internet service. I just dread the unknown and the possibility of losing such a huge investment.

My lesson? Pay attention to my gut. I remember the day of closing on my house. I was sitting there in the title office with the realtors, pen poised over the enormous stack of documents, ready to sign away the next 30 years of my life, and I hesitated.

My mind said, "Run. You don't want this house. It's not your dream home. Don't do it. Just get up right now and walk out while you still can."

I countered (silently): "It's a perfectly good house, and I can't stay where I am—it's gotten dangerous there. I have to move. And there's no good reason NOT to buy it. It'll be fine. The mortgage payment is no bigger than rent would be elsewhere, and it'll be MINE. I can always sell it in a couple of years."

If I'd had a crystal ball, to look ahead and see the 9/11 market crash and loss of my steady job and the eventual deaths of my parents... if I'd listened to my gut at the time of sale, and again in 2004 when I'd wanted to put it on the market (but got talked out of it by my Mother, who said it was a good investment, better hold onto it, you might need it)... if, when Mom got diagnosed, I'd thought more carefully about it before moving out (since she died three months later, not three years like they said she might have) and chosen to stay put... if I'd really thought about which house might be more profitable in the long run...

Let's just say, I'd likely be in a MUCH better position right now than I am.

I'm practicing good Law of Attraction, accepting all possible outcomes and allowing them to exist without focusing too heavily on any one of them; and of course, I'm shifting focus constantly back onto the desired outcome. Still, the more positive energy sent out on this, the better.

What I wouldn't give if a buyer called me up out of the blue before I even got it back on the market, and said "I'd like to offer you exactly what you want for the house, as is, and I'd like to close in 10 days". Wouldn't THAT be a miracle?

Labels: breaking news

posted by Jeanne @ 10:34 PM