Friday, November 16, 2007

Neutral (Idling In)

Before I get into today's topic, I want to clarify the definition of a word from my last post. "Horselet". A horselet is my oddball word for a baby horse. It's not an actual equine term so if you were thinking next time I am amongst the People of the Horse, I will show my knowledge by using the word "horselet" properly in a sentence... don't. ;-) I apologize for any confusion this may have caused. Remember, I am weird that way.

And yes, I am seriously SERIOUSLY considering the purchase of Equus Numero Tres, thus creating my own holy trinity of equinity.

Oh, my. I guess I've been listening to Pat Parelli way too much lately, he of the coinage of corny phrases (that you laugh at the first time you hear them, then find they stick in your brain and pop up exactly when you need them to).

Also, let us send our condolences to my right knee, which suffered the tragic shattering of cartilege during the Fall on the Tile Floor just two years ago today. Right Knee is honoring the loss by aching quietly.

Anyway. Onwards.

Whew. Today I am just feeling wiped out beyond belief and I don't know why. My mood is pretty good. It's physical. I forced myself to get up earlier than usual because I am tired of seeing only a few hours of daylight. But I am just not feeling good if that makes sense. It feels like I slept with a cat sitting on my chest all night (despite the knowledge that all five cats were safely sequestered in their room on the other side of the house), and I seem to have developed a slight cough (or redeveloped it, as the case may be).

Now, this could be due to the face-full of year-old stagnant cat litter dust that I got Tuesday afternoon when I was attempting to rip out the 70s blue shag rug in what was the Cat Room in my old house (next time I'll wear a mask), or it could be allergies (I need to vacuum this house, too), or it could be from burying my face in horse neck Wednesday for a long deep inhale, or it could be I've been exposed to The Nasty Cold that everyone I know seems to have had (except me, but I claimed mine earlier in the season and crossed fingers for immunity from this challenge).

Or it could be my sports bra is too tight (wore it to the barn), or maybe I need to put on a bra (are they sagging so far as to cause discomfort?), or sore muscles from yesterday's trip to Walmanure where my determination to avoid getting an actual cart may have lead to muscular downfall—because I was only there for a small bag of cat food, a bottle of nail polish in black or dark berry to match my hair (can't believe I used up all my black polish!), a box of tea bags and cash back so I just needed a basket, right?

Well my brand of cat food was on sale, so I got two bags, which was just heavy enough to make me question my decision but I soldiered on because I was a tea bag box away from leaving anyway... even though every ten feet I encountered an abandoned, empty cart (highly unusual). Like a sign. A big, neon sign saying "TAKE THE CART, DAMMIT! Quit being such a 'man' about it!"

I don't know. All I know is, the damned invisible cat is still sitting on my chest, I'm still coughing, I have zero energy for anything requiring enthusiasm (such as house cleaning) or being upright (well, upright is all right as long as it doesn't require much movement), and it's pissing me off. Because I have STUFF to do. And feeling this way, the STUFF is not getting DONE. That makes me feel all sorts of guilty and worthless and lazy (even though I'm not). I can hear my bitchier relative saying "Tired?!? Why should YOU be tired? You don't DO anything!!!" (Note to bitchy relative in my brain: First of all, get the hell out of my brain; secondly, eff the aitch off.)

I wallowed in exhausted self-pity for a moment, wondering why the plans I hatch at 3:30 AM seem so exciting and sound but in the light of day seem impossible (when I wake up this worn out). Then I thought, just because I'm feeling low-energy today doesn't mean I can't make progress toward my goals. So I sat down and came up with this list.

What I can do to further my music/PNH goals

  • spend the afternoon playing with and/or riding my horses—one, two or three, depending on my energy level
  • groom the horses vigorously, give them a bath, practice feet trimming
  • practice vocalizing for a good hour
  • record for hours (all parts)
  • jam/exercise my bass and guitar playing skills
  • workout at the gym
  • go see bands
  • try out for bands
  • play with a band
  • perform live
  • clean the house
  • organize stuff
  • run errands
  • socialize/network
  • sit at the computer and learn Cubase (recording software)
  • record lightly (a slow bass part, something simple)
  • craft drum tracks in MIDI
  • tweak mixes
  • read music books (recording, MIDI, mixing, business, theory)
  • read/study my Law of Attraction/positive thinking stuff
  • listen to LoA podcasts
  • visit the barn just to observe the horses naturally, play the Quiet Time game, or if feeling slightly energetic, groom them gently
  • watch Parelli DVDs (Lord knows, I have hundreds on backlog to watch)
  • think about goals/plans
  • meditate in candlelight to recharge
  • listen to and study the musical structures and mixing techniques of songs/bands I really like
  • rest (because sometimes you just need to rest)
  • take this opportunity to practice the fine art of NOT feeling guilty about resting, i.e. the art of releasing the need to GOGOGO all the time, releasing the need—rather, the limiting belief—that I need to be BUSY in order to feel/be "productive" or "worthwhile" or "using my time wisely"
As you can see, my MIND is quite energetic today but my body is not. As it appears to be precipitating in some manner, outside activities are out of the question, so I think I'll finish up here and go watch some Parelli DVDs. Have a good one.

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At 12:29 AM, November 17, 2007, Anonymous tiennie said...

I think you could do both. You are motivated enough and have great goals.


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