Oh, Fer...

Has it really been TWO MONTHS since I last posted? Well. On the upside, that means not much is happening in my life, so it's—well, just to be on the safe side, we won't say the Q word.

I've taken two out of three art classes at the Museum so far. The first was Graphite Drawing. I found out I'm "meh" about graphite. The second was Colored Pencil Drawing. I am WOW! COOL!! FUN!!! about colored pencils.

Now I'm in oil painting. I LOVE OIL PAINTING. Oil painting and I had a torrid love affair in college, but it's been 15 years since I dusted off the brushes. Surprise—most of my paint tubes are still good! Why did I ever stop?

Oh. That's right. I lived with a mother who painted in Watercolor and was very... well, it was easier not to compete. So I didn't.

In the good news zone: I found a much better place for my Insulin-Resistant horse to live. As the Universe is wont to do, it arose out of an "Oh no, now what am I gonna do" situation. The "oh no" part was finding out the barefoot hoof trimmer I've been with for two years, who'd drive an hour and a half to trim my horses, was happily pregnant with her first child and could no longer bend over to do hooves. For some odd reason, there is a dearth of barefoot trimmers in the NW Ohio area. Had I completed the program myself, I'd have a monopoly.

By fate, coincidence, or really good law of attraction methods, I was connected with a gal who follows the same methods of hoof trimming AND horsemanship that I do, is in the human medical field (so she understands the lingo), has an IR horse herself (so she understands the condition) AND lives 20 miles from the barn.

My horses loved her. I have never been able to sit down and drape Cheerios' lead rope over my lap while he got trimmed—until she came along.

Turns out, she had room at her barn, and offered to take in Shaveya as a case study.

How many birds did I take out with that stone? *grin*

I've been on Cheerios bareback, but I haven't officially rode yet. This week is shaping into perfect spring weather, so I'll change that soon.

Other than that, the phone interview job pops up sporadically, and I'm still buying MegaMillions tickets.

Happy [insert all the holidays I've missed so far]!

Oh. There has been baby knitting. I know lots of procreators lately. One of them had twins last week.

Labels: horses, Law of Attraction, positive thinking, WIP

posted by Jeanne @ 2:08 AM 1 comments

LEVEL TWO ONLINE PASS!!

WHOO-HOO!!! I just got confirmation from Parelli, Inc., via email regarding my recent Parelli Audition.

I've passed Level Two Online!

Only one more savvy to go (FreeStyle Riding), and that BLUE STRING is MINE!!!

*happy dancing all over the place, can't wait to tell my horse*

In other news, I interviewed with a temp agency, and not only am I up for the job I applied to, but my mixed bag of odd qualifications might be the perfect fit for a couple of creative positions they've been trying to fill for a LONG time.

You bet, I'm buying my lottery ticket today. ;-)

Labels: breaking news, horses, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 3:48 PM 4 comments

The Power of Positive Thinking

This has nothing to do with the interview, though I thought it went well. Decisions to be made next week. Keep the digits crossed.

What this post concerns is the national or global mindset. If you understand the Law of Attraction, you know that what we focus on expands—meaning, we get more OF that. What we complain about is what we are focusing on. What we agree to is what we focus on. When your friend says, "all people in X category are X", and you nod and say offhandedly, "Mm-hmm", you are in agreement with that statement whether you want to be or not.

In the Bible, it says, "wherever two or more agree, it shall be done."

If gas prices go way up this year, I can tell you whose fault it is. Blame it on Toledo. (I voted that they would go down, btw.)

Labels: Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 3:01 PM 2 comments

An Explanation

OK. Before I go offending anyone with it, I feel the Chipped In Widgets to the right over there might need an explanation.

It's true. I'm begging for dollars. I am my own charity. But there is a reason for this, and it has less to do with drumming up donations than it does with activating the Law of Attraction.

My intent with this is to reach out to the Universe to let it know that I'm serious about my goals. I know I've wavered between YES Parelli Instructor NO Parelli Instructor, but after months of self-analysis, it's obvious that although I love playing with string, writing/recording music, and writing period, my deepest most profound passion, the one that makes me cry sometimes just thinking about it, is my horses. (Yarn is lovely, but it doesn't move me to tears.)

When I think about my life and about what I'll miss when I'm gone one day, horses pop up first. If there aren't horses in heaven, I am not going. They are the one thing that make my heart hurt. The thought of never feeling their soft breath on my skin; of never smelling that intoxicating blend of horse hair, manure, hay and sweat; of never hearing the gentle nicker when I enter the barn; of never experiencing the feeling of flying without wings as we canter down the trail through a wooded forest; to never again feel that mystical connection with this most magnificent and amazing creature as we play at Liberty in an open field, with my horse eagerly mirroring my every move and staying with me of his own free will when he could just as easily whirl away...

Excuse me for a moment...

OK. I had to collect myself.

What I'm doing is trying to generate energy by putting a blatant request out there—aimed at the Universe, not necessarily at people. I'm certainly asking for more than I'd need but they say to do that to ensure you get what you need. You, dear reader, don't have to participate unless you want to. My intent is not to milk the pockets of my readers; but to declare a VISIBLE intent that says, I AM DOING THIS: Universe, back me up on my goal.

It might generate some finances toward my dream; it might not. The funds might arrive in a way totally unrelated to the fundraising widgets. The point is to open myself up to the possibilities and get it OUT there.

And there's no way I'd know if it would work, unless I took the risk.

But on the off-chance that there are those who read this blog, are supportive of my dreams, understand what I've been going through and might have the means to assist, I've decided to put it there. It's for them, the Universe and myself.

Lest you think I'm one to sit back and live off of the generosity of others, let me remind you that I'm doing absolutely EVERYTHING to get myself back on track. Including starting an online yarn business, launching a personal fundraising effort, pursuing alternate routes to eliminating the two extra houses I got stuck with in this estate/death deal AND applying for jobs from Marketing Director to Kwik Stop Parking Lot Attendant. After that, it's all up to God.

This is my dream, and I am doing EVERYTHING in my power, offensive or not, to make it happen.

If my fundraising efforts offend you, please just ignore them, and come back for all the news that's fit to Knit. And to canter away with.

Labels: gratefulness, horses, Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 6:07 PM 0 comments

Seed Faith, LOA—It WORKS!!!

OMG!

Guess what was e-faxed to me this afternoon!

WE GOT AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now. It's not close to the asking price. But it is more than half. And, they are very willing to allow us to counter and to negotiate. They plan to gut 90% of it and rebuild—basically they are buying the land and the frame of the house. (And the outbuildings, I assume.)

This is all we needed to have happen in order to settle this thing.

Excuse me for a moment if any of you have God issues you might want to look away because I have something to say. I give ALL the glory up to God because HE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!!!

I also thank all of YOU for adding your prayers and energies to this!

All right. Now for an admission. Because if I don't make this admission, I'm doing God an injustice.

I did something I've never done before.

Sometimes I watch Joel Osteen. Sometimes I watch Richard Roberts. Well, Monday night I was watching Richard, listening to all these testimonies of how people had a need, planted a seed and lo and behold, their prayer was answered in amazing ways. This lead to an argument with my brain (it happens sometimes).

My brain said "Maybe you should try planting one of those seed faith gifts." I said, "Are you crazy?!? We have bills to pay and barely enough to cover us through the month! You want me to give away a chunk of that to some TV ministry?"

Brain said "Uh, yeah."

I said "What if it doesn't work? Then we're out X amount of dollars. We can't afford to do that."

Brain said "But... what if it DID work?"

Me: *crickets*

Brain: "So you make a charitable donation. It's getting spent somewhere. Might as well give it a shot, eh? Because what if it DID work? Have you ever tried it before?"

Me: "Well... no..."

Brain: "All your LOA books say giving money away attracts more into your life, right?"

Me: "Uh... yeah..."

Brain: "Even the Bible says so. Right?"

Me: "Right..."

Brain: "Nothing else you've tried has really worked, besides a lot of affirmations... what if this is the push you need?"

Me: "Uh..."

And so I mulled it over and I said "OK, God, if you want me to do this, tell me how much."

It just so happens that RR is currently running a mission for $100 seed faith gifts. Well, when you don't have a lot in the bank, that's a month's worth of groceries. Or an electric bill. I was scared.

But RR says "If it doesn't impress you, it won't impress God." The idea "give til it hurts" is accurate to a point. You can't give and be casual about it. You have to feel a little something when you give. Go just past your comfort zone. Well, $100 was just past my comfort zone.

So I called.

It was busy.

I hit redial as the singers were singing.

I said, "OK, if they haven't answered by the time they're done singing, I'm hanging up and forgetting about it."

The singers ended.

I was about to hang up and of course...

I started out with my pledge amount, then I explained my need: to sell the properties in order to settle the estate and end the rift and legal battle that threatens to ruin my family.

I got prayer.

As the lady was praying, the weirdest thing happened.

I began to feel warm all over. Not just warm. Not a hot flash. Not "the heater in the cat room just turned on and I'm toasty". Not I have a fever.

No. This was bigger. I felt like I was in a blazingly hot oven—heat, but no pain. It was that burning. All over.

It was kind of like being in a tanning booth only ten times the heat (and no benefit to my Ohio pallor).

This lasted until just after we hung up.

Draw your own assumptions.

Now, RR comes on at 11 PM Ohio time. The show ended at midnight. I was already in my nightgown with my post-showered hair in a towel.

I was paying by check. Now, I could have waited until the next day to casually write my check. But I didn't.

I got up. Pulled on my sweats. Took off the towel. Found my checkbook. Wrote the check. Put it in an envelope, addressed, etc. Went out into the pouring rain at midnight, IN MY NIGHTGOWN AND SLIPPERS, and drove to the post office to make sure that check was already in the mail. As I slid it into the box, I released my faith.

I'm calling in tonight to share my own testimony.

It really does work.

These buyers want to close on the 30th. Or earlier. Skeptics beware—I know all the many "but what ifs" that y'all could be thinking, but... if you were to read the tone of the letter the buyers sent, you'd know as I do that this IS our answer, that they are very interested, they are open to counters. They said "Please consider this offer, and accept or counter as you see fit. I am confident we can reach terms that are satisfactory for both parties".

Tell me that doesn't sound like a motivated buyer.

:-)

God is awesome.

So are all of you who lent your prayers and energy to this. Bless you all.

---

Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, gratefulness, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 7:32 PM 0 comments

Sell

OK. Very long weekend with lots and lots of personal growth.

I've been rather long-winded lately so I'll TRY to keep this short. (SarahLou, I can hear you snickering...)

We've established the bit about the lots being the obstacle. I've put out the call for energy. I've downloaded The Clearing Audio (finally) and have been listening nonstop. The Clearing Audio, created by Attractor Factor guru Joe Vitale and Portable Empire author Pat O'Bryan, is designed to assist with the removal of counter intentions and limiting beliefs, the things that block manifestation. The concept is that by listening to the comforting new age music in one of three forms, your subconcious will release the counter intentions holding you back, and once they are removed, you will begin to receive nudges about actions to take to move you closer to manifestation. (The three forms: music only, binaural music with subliminal affirmations, or music with audible affirmations spoken by Joe Vitale. You get all three as a package for one very affordable price.)

Well, here is my partial testimonial. I say partial only because it will be complete when the manifestation happens.

I listened to the one with audible affirmations first (last night). Very nice. Went on to watch TV with the cats. A couple hours later when I got up to put my leftovers in the fridge, I got my first nudge:

Call your cousin in Seattle.

OH DUH. Of course! She'd been interested last year in buying the house to preserve family history. But the price was too high (understandable—the price was set because of the potential for subdivision). Now that it is subdivided, the price for the lot with the house is much lower—half—so maybe now it's within reach.

Long story short. I emailed her sister last night. I called the cousin in Seattle today. Then I spoke with two other cousins I haven't seen in years at her insistence. I'll spare you the play by play, but what I realized later after analyzing it was that I'd misinterpreted the nudge.

I'd seen it as "oh duh, call the cousin, she'll buy it, problem solved".

It wasn't about that.

The reason the house hasn't sold yet is because I HAD BLOCKS PROHIBITING IT. I had counter intentions that lead to my resistance to the sale even though I consciously wanted it sold. The block was this:

I was feeling very guilty about selling. This is our family home, rooted in tradition. My Mother was entrusted with preserving it and did. She passed on this entrusted obligation to us. My sister feels no such obligation; I did, for whatever reason, whether out of obligation to Mother or something else. I was afraid that selling the house was an insult to the rest of Mother's family, and that I would be ostracized from the family for doing so. I was also afraid of losing the connection to Mother's family because I'd have "no reason" to travel to southern Ohio if the "checking up on the house" excuse was gone. The house represented to me connection, love, history. I thought they'd all be mad at me for it.

What my cousins told me changed that. Not only was I granted permission that it's more than OK to sell the house, but I was reassured by Cousin in Seattle that I didn't need to feel guilty, that if it really meant that much to the family to preserve the house, they would have bought it so they had nobody to blame but themselves. The other cousins underscored the permission to sell. Nobody's interested in keeping it. It doesn't represent the same thing to them as it did to me. And the best part was when the last cousin I spoke with asked if I ever got down that way, and when I did be sure to let them know because they would love to see me.

It was all I could do not to cry on the phone.

Liberated. That's how I feel. I've been absolved of any guilt. I am now able to forgive myself, and to allow myself permission to sell the house. My connection to the family is intact regardless of the house.

I am clear.

So all I ask is continued support for the intention: Lots 1 and 3 SOLD. Immediately. For close to our asking prices.

You know, it only takes 5 minutes to sell a property. Buyer decides to buy, calls the real estate agent, makes the offer, agent calls seller, seller accepts offer, agent calls buyer, tells buyer offer is accepted, seller sets time to sign contracts. Done. Five minutes.

This is TOTALLY DOABLE within 24 hours or less.

I'll let you know when the deed (ha ha) is done. PS: I've been listening to the subliminal version all day. Over and over. I'm beginning to feel like ANYTHING and everything is possible.

---

Labels: estate nonsense, family time, gratefulness, Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 6:36 PM 2 comments

Shoveling Brings Clarity

So I'm shoveling stalls at the barn in exchange for board, did I tell you that? I'm also assisting with the teaching (training) of the barn manager's horses as part of it, Parelli-style, but more on that another day. Shoveling 40 wheelbarrows full of horse deposits tends to allow a lot of time for rumination.

Apparently, I ruminated myself into a migraine yesterday. But when I woke up this morning, I had clarity on this estate situation. (Apologies for the venom in my last post. I'm still learning how to take these opportunities to practice peace rather than detonate. I realize emotional detonation is fear-based, and I need to be more faith-based, so... anyway...)

What I realized is that I was focusing on the wrong thing the whole time.

I also realized that the REAL obstacle is NOT Nemesister, the estate "lawyer", or the estate itself.

The REAL obstacle is the two unsold lots.

If they were sold, the argument would be finished, because we'd know that within 30 days, we'd be closing on the sales, and ALL the profits would be available for distribution. What causes the argument is the open-endedness due to the lots still being on the market, and Nemesister's and my individual financial needs/desires.

I understand that we both have dreams we are trying to achieve, and we both have problems we need to fix, and issues to address, and that while we are both responsible for fixing our problems ourselves and are doing everything in our power to do so independently, the inheritance money would sure go a long way to give us a boost.

I understand that she must be in a horrendous situation to be able to overlook someone else's needs in favor of her own and to find it justifiable to go to such extremes to fix her problems even if it means hurting someone she supposedly loves. So for that, I can forgive her. It doesn't condone her actions or the method of handling it, but it provides me with a bit of peace about it. (Note: this is a really advanced concept for me.)

I doubt there is anything I can say or do that will fix this in her mind. So that leaves only one option.

I need to ask for your help one more time.

All you have to do is this, just like we did before, which resulted in the first sale occurring three days later.

Focus.

Visualize a post.

In it, I'm saying:

OMG THANK YOU!!!!! The two remaining lots SOLD today!!! We got close to our asking price on both!!! We close in 30 days (or less)! Sister dropped all the nonsense because we're dividing ALL the money in a month or less! OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!

Put that positive energy out one more time. It worked last time—it'll work again.

I KNOW IT.

Thanks, y'all, for putting up with my drama. May you ALL be blessed beyond belief.

---

Labels: estate nonsense, gratefulness, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 2:22 PM 0 comments

Who We Are Versus Who We Want to Be

THIS IS NOT WHO YOU ARE, BUT WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

From Be*Mused by way of the Calico Cat, a quote from Peter Walsh that he made to a woman on Oprah who was drowning in cookbooks and supplies she never used, in response to her telling Peter that she always intended to do more serious baking.

This is not who you ARE, but who you want to BE.

If you are Peter Walsh, this is probably the go-ahead to start chucking the cookbooks and supplies, and letting go of the desire to be someone you "aren't".

Or is it?

I tend to disagree, at least in part.

Perhaps this should be viewed as a signpost, pointing to your deepest dreams rather than a castle in the sky to be torn down without a second thought!

I'm all for uncluttering one's life and eradicating unnecessary items, for stripping away things that do not fit one's ideal vision of their lives. But who is to say that the person one wants to be is something that can never be attained?

Everyone lives in a state of denial, denying themselves the things they most want because limiting beliefs, negative past programming, and subconscious counter intentions tell them that they don't deserve it, they don't have the skills/talents, it's a waste of time/money/energy, it's extravagant, it's frivolous, it's too hard, it's too easy—and so on. We all have programming along these lines, particular to our own cases, thanks to our upbringing and what we've been exposed to throughout our lives.

But we will occasionally get nudges, glimpses into a better, brighter world, a world we want very much to trade up to and live within.

Maybe for the cookbook woman, the idea of being a more serious baker was the answer to a call coming from her soul telling her that her destiny is to BE a baker. Or a cookbook author. Or a network food chef. Or something related.

Maybe for her, it's the signpost pointing toward her deepest unrealized dream. Her destiny.

Or, perhaps it's a response to feelings of self-worth. Maybe she's trying to make up for someone in her life who failed to meet expectations. Maybe her mother wasn't "there" for her growing up, and she saw other mothers who baked for their families, and associated baking with love and nurturing. Maybe she feels a deep-rooted need to either fill the void in her own life that was created by her mother's ignorance of that role by going above and beyond expectations for her own family. Maybe she needs to bake to prove to herself that she's a better Mother/Wife/Nurturer than her own mother was. I'm speculating, of course. But it would make sense.

In the first instance, it would be wholly unwise for the woman to be told to chuck out her supplies and give up on trying to be that person. In this instance, she would be practicing even further denial of her own TRUTH. Instead, she should be encouraged to find out why she has been avoiding it, and work to overcome the limiting beliefs that are blocking her—then make "serious baking" a priority in her life. Begin to live the life that she's dreaming of.

In the second instance, it would be beneficial and life-altering for the woman to let go of the supplies, if she has also become aware of the beliefs that lead her there, and lets go of them at the same time. In this instance, letting go would bring about healing and allow her to see the rise of her own true self.

I suppose my response is not as simple as "No, that's wrong" or "Yes, that's correct". My response would be that one must go further than just saying "Oh, that's just who you want to be, but you're not, so let it go". One must delve deeply into their own psyche and find the reasons WHY they want to be this other person. Only then can they make a sound decision to allow themselves to BE the person they want to be, or to let that person go so that they can realize their own true dreams.

---

Labels: musings, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 3:38 PM 2 comments

Believe

What would you have to believe about yourself to now get the one thing in your life that you haven't been able to get before?

This is the question posed by LOA coach Karen Luniw (The Law of Attraction Center) in today's email. I invite everyone who reads my blog to take a moment and think about this question. The concept is that your past does not equal your future, a concept first posed by Anthony Robbins, and holds that we are not who we were last year, five years ago, or even five minutes ago as we are constantly evolving—and everything ahead of us can be changed simply by altering our beliefs.

Would you like to know my answer? It surprised me—then again, it didn't. My answer was:

I'd have to believe that it's actually possible, even for me.

That says quite a bit, doesn't it?

Happy trails...

---

Labels: Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 3:58 PM 1 comments

Habitual Messages, Grey's, and Horrorscopes

Of course. Who else would I be?

And in other news... (my notes in this color)

Weekly Horoscope
For the week starting 28 January 2008
Horoscope courtesy of Kathy Cooper © 2007 Uranian Nights
On Tuesday Venus forms a helpful link to Saturn which could put you in a public place giving a speech that is about a topic very dear to your heart.
No idea what they're talking about. Unless they mean blogging.

On Friday Venus forms a close link to Jupiter which could see you either being proposed to or actually getting married.
Oh. Really. Funny how my horoscope has been saying this for the past YEAR, and I have yet to see a proposal and since I'm not dating anyone and nobody's even on the remote horizon visible through a telescope, somehow this seems rather far fetched. I'm laughing.

On Sunday Mercury forms a close link to Neptune (as it did on 23 January) in your sector of wills, legacies, the goods of the deceased, loans, your partner’s income or any other shared resource. Take care if you have to sign anything that involves any of the above issues as otherwise you may be inadvertently swindled out of your belongings. There may be a mystery or confusion over the passing of someone dear to you that may remain unsolved for a long period of time.
Oy frikken vey! I thought this sounded familiar. The "swindled" part showed up last week, too. I heeded the warning for that Wednesday. Luckily, no contracts of any sort arrived—nothing happened, in fact, so I assumed I was good to go, belongings intact. I'll be super careful this week, too, since I'm definitely riding that sector. Wonder what the mystery over the passing part is all about? Do they mean my horse Wildflower that died in 2005? I don't know how she got hurt. It's a mystery. If anyone knew, they weren't talking. It has to be that, because there isn't any mystery as to why my parents died.

All rightie. Now I'll revisit a previous concept. I woke up thinking about my Mother, and how she lived her life, and what she said as habit. From this I garnered quite the epiphany. It's funny, because I already knew this, but it didn't hit home until today when I viewed it in reference to her life. The details aren't important, but it points to self-fulfilling prophecies of the most mundane type. Oh, all right, one example. My Mother used to say "Oh, I'm so tired, I need to go lie down and rest for awhile."

Seems innocuous, right?

Let it be known that my Mother practically "rested" her life away. I realized I'm in danger of doing the same. Not resting so much, but rather, not doing as much as I could be doing. And the source of it lies in the simple, mundane things that float through my brain and casually slide out of my mouth in conversation.

There are certain phrases we utter that imply "lack". In the world of the LoA, what we focus on, we get more of. If we focus on having, we get more. If we focus on not having, or lacking, we get more lack. The key phrases are:

I NEED/I NEED TO
I WANT/I WANT TO
I HAVE TO*
I SHOULD
I OUGHT TO
I'VE GOT TO (poor grammar aside)

* I HAVE TO is on the list but I HAVE is an exception because I HAVE is a positive affirmation

There are additional phrases that, while sounding positive, include a possibility of doubt:
I WISH/I WISH I COULD
I HOPE

Anything that is prefaced by one of these phrases is automatically aligned with LACK.

Think about that for a moment.

I'm so tired, I need to lie down and rest = I am affirming my exhaustion, and lacking the rest
I need a job = I am lacking a job
I need more money = I am lacking more money
I need a nap = I am lacking a nap
I need to lose weight = I am lacking in the losing weight department
I need to go to the gym = I'm lacking gym time
I have to clean the house = I am lacking cleaning the house
I should go to the store = I am lacking going to the store
I hope I find a job soon = I'm positive about getting a job soon, because I lack one, but I'm not completely sure about finding one

If these phrases are aligned with LACK, and if what we focus on is what we get more of... then what are we setting ourselves up for by using these phrases? And they are tossed around so casually we don't even notice!

My challenge today—and I invite anyone who is interested to feel free to join me—is to be hyper aware of what I'm thinking and saying, watching for these phrases and when I catch myself thinking or saying them, to immediately replace and reframe the sentence as such:

If I think or say:
I NEED/TO, I WANTTO, I HAVE TO*, I SHOULD/OUGHT TO/GOT TO

I am replacing it with:
I AM
I AM IN THE PROCESS OF (which indicates it is already happening)
I HAVE
I "DO" where "DO" is an action verb (eg I CLEAN the house, I DRIVE a Dodge Ram 3500)

If I think or say:
I WISH/I WISH I COULD/I HOPE

I am replacing it with:
I AM
I HAVE
I CAN
I KNOW
I HAVE DECIDED THAT
I AM CERTAIN THAT

Here are the sentences reframed:
I'm so tired, I need to lie down and rest = I am well-rested, I feel great
I need a job = I am in the process of finding a job
I need more money = I have plenty of money/I am in the process of receiving more money
I need a nap = I am full of energy
I need to lose weight = I am in the process of losing weight
I need to go to the gym = I am going to the gym
I have to clean the house = I am cleaning the house/I have decided that I am cleaning the house/I am in the process of... and so on
I should go to the store = I am going to the store
I hope I find a job soon = I am certain that I'll find a job/I know I'll find a job

This isn't about repeating positive affirmations, aligning yourself with grand visions of your future, or making enormous changes in your life that seem impossible now. This is about changing the habitual messages you send yourself every moment of every day. It's very small, but far more significant than you might think. By changing these small things, greater changes can take place.

I'm up for it. Are you? If so, try it for a day or two and post a comment about the experience.

---

Labels: Law of Attraction, musings, positive thinking, silliness

posted by Jeanne @ 3:01 PM 1 comments

On Clearance

For those who prefer more concise posts, I hereby apologize in advance for another rendition of Diarrhea of the Mouth.

Do you find it irritating when you're delayed in the grocery store line by the person ahead of you? Yesterday (Friday actually), I was in line in the 20 items or less queue at W*l-M*rt. I had my debit card out and was ready to go. In fact, I had already unloaded my stuff from the cart onto the counter. The line appeared to be moving quickly and the cashier was just about finished with the guy in front of me.

Then it happened.

I didn't catch the exact words, but I gathered that either the form of currency with which he'd intended to pay was from another planet and not useable at WM, or he didn't have quite enough on him to complete his purchase. He "just" had to run out to the car and get it.

You know where that leaves me. And the people falling in line behind me.

Stuck.

This is the time when you dare not leave the line for a shorter line because you'll find yourself behind the granny who pays for 50 individual cans of catfood with pennies. I stuck it out.

While we all stood there motionless, on hold, in a freeze-frame, I reflected on my latest readings into the world of the LoA, "Zero Limits" by my favorite guru, Joe Vitale. It's about an updated version of the ancient Hawaiian Ho'oponopono system. In brief, the theory is that each of us is 100% responsible for absolutely everything and everyone that graces our lives. We've created it. It's reminiscent of basic psychological understanding: if we see something in others that bothers us, it's because it's a reflection of a quality we ourselves hold. So if it really pisses you off when Susie gossips about her neighbors, well... better check yourself.

Ho'oponopono agrees with this but goes a step further: Ho'oponopono allows us to clean or clear those things and heal them—but not by healing others. Instead, we heal ourselves and by doing so, achieve complete freedom from the past. I can't begin to explain it here. Joe Vitale does a much better job in Zero Limits—more info on this website. From what I understand so far, the philosophy is very complex, and what I know so far is just tip of the iceberg graspings. But I've learned a basic clearing technique that can be done anywhere.

All I do is realize that the problem that is surfacing in someone else or because of someone else relates back to me, and ask myself "What's going on inside of me that is causing this problem to manifest in him/her?"

Then, I clear it using the four phrases:

• I love you
• I'm sorry
• Please forgive me
• Thank you

Yeah. It's that easy.

So I'm in WM, stalled out just like that commercial (the one with Herbie Hancock's song "Rockit" in it), and it occurred to me to ask myself, OK, what's going on in ME that produced this delay, this problem with the guy in front of me?

Oh, delays, disorganization, lack of preparedness, replied my brain absent-mindedly.

I shot back (silently), "But, I am prepared!" I had my card out and everything, ready to go.

As I thought that, the cashier suddenly stood up straight, broke out of the trance, cancelled the other guy's transaction and started ringing up my purchases.

Hmmm.

It gets better.

Today, I was in B*g L*ts, looking for a second taboret for my music supplies (best picture I could find, much cheaper at BL) and happened to be nosing around in housewares, distracted by the throw pillows. A rather frantic but well-dressed woman (not your typical BL clientele) rushed down the aisle past me. She excused herself and said she was looking for her keys that she must've laid down somewhere. I thought, "bummer" and went on about my shopping. We crossed paths a couple more times—she was still looking for her keys. An announcement came over the intercom about it. I weaved up and down the aisles shopping and every so often she'd whiz past again, with various people in tow.

By now, I'd migrated over to curtains. Suddenly, the woman appeared in front of me again and stopped, looking around. Her entire demeanor was one of being hopelessly lost, frustrated and desperate. I inquired, "did you say you lost your keys?" She confirmed it. I asked more questions to see if I could help her locate them. I just felt like I had to help her somehow. (I mean, she kept crossing my path—there had to be a reason for it.)

She said she'd been rummaging through the curtains trying to find a specific set. She'd laid her keys down somewhere and couldn't understand how they'd be so hard to find because they were on a big chain and there were lots of them (kind of like the wad dangling from my belt loop—I have them on a carabiner and lock it to my belt loop rather than chance them falling from my pocket).

Then she kind of lost it. (Understandable.)

She moaned, "And I'm from [town about an hour from here], and that's my only set of car keys, and all I have is a skeleton key to get into my house, and I'm totally screwed, and I just knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning!" She turned slightly as if to go but paused when I asked what the keys looked like. (My mind was going about 90 MPH by now, noting the emotions, the limiting beliefs and negative thinking while trying to subsequently process the lost keys issue AND figure out why this is being presented to me.)

She described her keys before adding that she was probably jumping to conclusions, but there had been a couple of giggling teenage girls nearby, and what if they'd taken her keys for a joke? (OK, I'm thinking, what's going on with this woman that she's assuming the worst about teenagers? Interesting... because it's probably unrelated to the keys...) They'd gone to the Toy section. They were no longer in the store. The woman didn't know what to think. I ask if she'd looked in Toys, on the off chance they had taken them and dropped them there. She mumbled No... and reiterated that she'd been looking at curtains and bedding. She pulled out a few curtain bins to look behind them, then shrugged and departed down yet another aisle.

I decided it wouldn't hurt to look in Toys, abandoned my cart in the middle of the aisle and wandered over. A few minutes of poking around turned up nothing. I was thinking "if I were a lost set of keys, where might I be?" Then it hit me.

OK.

What is going on inside of ME that brought this woman and her problemS (plural) to my feet? Because if she's in front of me having a problem, it's relating back to something going on inside of me, according to Ho'oponopono.

I didn't wait for an answer this time. I said to myself, "Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you". I repeated it in my head several times and imagined having keys in my hand as I wandered from Toys back to curtains.

Don't ask me why I did this. I meant to snag my cart, give up the hunt, and resume my shopping. Instead, I found myself on auto-pilot. Bypassing my cart, I walked right to the end of the aisle which was also the near back corner of the store where the comforters were. This happened in a blur before I was even conscious of it: I arrived at the end of the aisle. I stopped. My gaze was cast downward, and it felt like a magnet pulling my eyes toward something. Before I was consciously aware of doing so, my hand was reaching for...

...the keys.

They were on the bottom shelf in the back corner beside some comforters. We'd probably both walked past them a dozen times without seeing them.

It was totally bizarre. It was like I "knew" where they were—once I stopped looking for them.

I raised my hand skyward in victory, keys clenched firmly, and said out loud "AHA!!!" then "THANK YOU!" and strode quickly toward the front of the store. I encountered an employee halfway there and said "I HAVE THE KEYS!" The message was relayed. The woman was in the parking lot. They retrieved her. She was beyond relieved. I was ecstatic that the keys were found. She was so happy she hugged me. We chatted for a minute or two before going on about our lives.

I don't know if she learned anything from this, but I did.

First of all, it blew my mind how unbelievably fast I was able to manifest things or put myself in alignment with things simply by stopping momentarily to "clear".

Secondly, I learned about desperate obsession repelling the very thing you want and how letting go draws it to you. Not just from the key search. From the story she told me after they were found. She was, as I often am, "on a mission". The curtains she wanted for her Victorian home (lots of windows, 84" length required) had been discontinued and she was going to every BL in NW Ohio trying to scarf up enough to outfit her home. She just needed ONE more set. (This explained why she was at a BL an hour away.)

I understood this, because I've done it. I just "have to have/can't live without" [insert item] and spend hours online hunting it down, or—I have a good one, yarn that JoAnn's discontinued that I'd decided I had to have a sweater out of in Tunisian Crochet, so I bought 22 balls of it from five different stores... all of which have been languishing in the plastic tub since 2006. In fact, the reason I was in Pillows to begin with... allow me to divert for a moment.

I myself have one set of curtains I love that were in my old home. I wanted to find a second set and use them in my bedroom. But they've been absent from T*rget for years now. Online turned up nothing. I almost agonized myself into a "mission" like this lady's—then I realized that the room I just painted has only one window, needs new curtains... except they clash with the sofabed. Well, said my brain, maybe you can find a slipcover or something at BL or WM that will coordinate.

I went to BL for the rolling storage cart. The first thing I laid eyes on was a display for slipcovers at a ridiculously low price. In exactly the colors of my curtains. And the right size. *ahem* So then I decided to see if Pillows had anything to match...

See? I almost set myself up for a Desperate Gotta Have It Mission Impossible. I might indeed have one day found the second set after much agony and a lot of wasted search time. Instead, I let go of the outcome (having THOSE curtains in my bedroom), saw it as a new opportunity to use them elsewhere, and... that opened the way to attract the slipcover which, I might add, totally rejuvenated the room, especially in combination with the new pillow I found at BL and the one I already had that coordinates.

I'll admit I divulged a little of my interest in the LoA to the now-beaming woman because I was utterly mind-blown that it had worked. Not sure she got it, though she did share a story about a co-worker and a lost earring, and how everyone looked and looked and couldn't find it, and after everyone gave up and went back to their offices, this woman happened to glance down and...

You guessed it.

I dunno. Maybe I planted a seed.

Thirdly, in the BL Lost Keys incident, I changed one thing about the clearing tactic. What I've been doing until today was asking my question, then waiting for the answer and analyzing the core issue, THEN clearing it. Today, I asked, and rather than waiting to see WHAT I was clearing, I just went ahead and cleared.

I figure it works because:

• asking the question "What is it in me that is manifesting this problem?" connects with the core issue and allows it to rise to the surface of my consciousness
  
• by saying "whatever it is", I directed the clearing toward the surfacing issue
  
• once it has surfaced, it can be cleared with the four Ho'oponopono phrases
  
• it doesn't matter if I know what's being cleared

I don't have to know what I'm clearing, I just have to know that I'm clearing it.

I don't have to know how things will manifest, I just have to know that it IS manifesting.

This stuff is pretty wild, don'tcha think?

Labels: Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 2:51 AM 5 comments

Aligning with Constructivism

OMG this is a long post.

So I've figured out a couple of things I can do right now in my current life to be more aligned with the life of my vision.

• I can change my attitude
• I can change my thoughts
• I can shuffle my schedule and get out of this rut

First, the attitude. More happy. Years ago, life felt magical. In my head, I was already a rock star. I was physically in this world, but mentally, I had my rock star life overlaid like a sheet of vellum. I felt like anything was possible. (I'm still wondering what happened to change that, and if it was sudden as in one event or just a gradual dissipation.) The key here is the "magical" feeling. Making dinner to suit me, for example, used to bring great pleasure, because I'd create offbeat dishes or stirfries or curries—stuff my Mother would never cook (let alone eat)—and I would be puttering around in my kitchen humming to myself before sitting down and enjoying my meal with great satisfaction.

Last night, out of hunger and food boredom, I fell back onto one of my rut foods—nachos. Except I make them with blue chips, and I add soy "burger" crumbles and a green & red pepper and onion veggie blend on top. It's pretty good. It's nothing special, but it's a good fall-back meal. I had a moment. It was like a time-shift. I completely forgot the events of the past couple of years and was focused on sprinkling the cheese and I almost smiled to myself thinking about my nachos, almost hummed merrily—

—and I stopped myself from feeling good.

In the next heartbeat, I froze, because I realized that I'd just semi-subconsciously stopped myself from allowing a POSITIVE feeling to rise to the surface.

I prevented myself from feeling good.

Isn't that awful?

That lead to spending a good bit of time analyzing the reasons why I didn't think I should allow myself to feel good over something as mundane as making nachos. Sparing the details. Let's just say I realized I need an attitude adjustment, and that I have to consciously focus on allowing those happy feelings that WANT to come up to do so unrestrained.

Next, the thoughts. Most of us automatically think negatively without really trying—we're conditioned that way. Everywhere you turn, on TV, in the news, there are sensationalized stories of war, economic crisis, rising gas prices, accidents, diseases, and so on, and we are constantly barraged with a message of how difficult life is. There are good messages to be found, but because they seem to originate from the religious channels and include words such as "God" and "faith", a lot of people opt not to listen to them, which is fine. I'm just trying to point out the irony.

I'm just as challenged as the rest of us when it comes to what I allow to pass through my grey matter. I am every bit as susceptible to the barrage. What I'm doing is being more conscious of what's trying to get in, as well as what's trying to get out. I'm choosing the positive thoughts. It takes practice and I slip up sometimes, but I'm trying. It's a habitual thought process, and habits take time to change.

Lastly, the schedule. When I was a kid, my parents handled everything, giving me ample free time to play and pursue my own interests. Then one day they decided I needed more responsibility (which is fine). But suddenly, the things I wanted to do became tainted. They became unnecessary. They were things that you do later, after the "important" things are finished.

I would sit down to get engrossed in a really interesting book, and my Mother would say, "why don't you do something constructive for awhile rather than sit around reading all day?" Practicing guitar for a half hour to be prepared for my weekly lesson was acceptable and encouraged, but sitting there noodling for hours on end was non-productive and I should really be doing "something else". The dichotomy here is that my Mother railed on about doing the important things first, but sent a mixed message that you need to stop and have a little fun, too.

OK, which is it?

Well, I learned. I learned to do the important things first, and once they are finished, THEN I can sit down and design that sock, play with music software, dye some yarn, play with my horses... once everything else is done.

Twenty years later and I am STILL waiting for the day when the Important Things are Done and I can be free to focus on MY stuff. Someday, I'll learn to program Flash. Someday, I'll finish my album. Someday... when all the other stuff is done. When the house is clean. Or I get my masters (which I'm not sure I want). Or I move to a different house. Or...

The bottom line is, I get to the end of the day and there is still stuff. So I don't feel like I'm "allowed" to turn my attention to something that isn't "constructive" or "productive" or "important". I have a tendency towards obsessive workaholism balanced with a rebellion of doing nothing (with all the accompanying resentment) and have been known to work well past the reasonable endpoint (say 12 hours to touch up paint) even though I know I'm pushing it and I'm just going to wake up angry with myself the next day.

Mother told me part one: "Finish the important things first". But she forgot to tell me part two: Exactly when, pray tell, will I know that all the important things are finished?

At what point can I honestly and rightfully say, NOW it's OK to do my thing?

Maybe she didn't know, either. Reflecting back on her life, I think she needed the answer, too.

So here's what I've decided. My time, my LIFE, is like my job. I have so many hours in which to do stuff. I'm accountable to myself for how I use this time. I've allotted 7 hours for sleep/rest (which is about what I need), and 2 hours for eating/personal care (or extra sleep), leaving 15 hours that are up to me to fill.

I've decided to break up that 15 hours into 3-hour spans. I've decided that I am absolutely prohibited from focusing on the Mass Organization Project (ie "the Important Thing") for more than six hours in one day, and that if the tasks for the day are of a more physically-demanding nature, then I am limited to three hours total. I'm starting out on an 18-hour-per-week ration at first (3 hours per day).

I establish a list of tasks to be completed within that time span (realistically), set a start and end time, and then I go. When the time is up, I must stop working and go on to do MY stuff. If the task I'm on at the end will only take 15 minutes or less to complete and be done, I can allow it, but I must make up for it by shortening the work time the following day. So if I worked 3 hours and 15 minutes today, I work 2 hours and 45 minutes tomorrow (physical labor).

I can also move hours around if I know I'm going to be doing something that requires more time such as painting a room, or if I want to take a day off from it completely I just add time to another day. Basically, I have 18 total hours per week in which I am "allowed" to do Important Things and I can shift them around as desired as long as I stay within the 18-hour limit. The 18-hour limit will increase to 36 hours once I've been successful for three weeks (21 days to a new habit).

In addition, it's a six-day week. Sundays are verboten. NO WORK ON SUNDAY. On Sunday, I focus purely on FUN. It's not a religious thing, it's a throwback to how I lived in LA when I was going to VIT: five days of focus on music studies. Friday nights out on the town. Saturday, run errands, do laundry, grocery, etc. Saturday night, out on the town. Sunday: go to the 3 for 3 movie theatre and sit through three movies in a row for three bucks (complete downtime). Later on, I replaced this with spending Sunday afternoon at the Bodhi Tree bookstore or at Venice Beach or something equally fun. I was much more balanced then.

True, it doesn't seem like I'll be devoting a large portion of my day to this enormous task when I should be working like mad to get it done. It might seem like I'm taking an awful lot of free time, but that's precisely the point. I need to do something drastic like this in order to break my unhealthy workaholic tendency and rebuild it to a normal level of Important Things Work balanced against Fun/Me-time. I have to swing the pendulum the opposite way.

By prohibiting myself from going past six hours on easy stuff (sorting papers, yarn, clothes, basic light household chores) or three hours on heavy stuff (loading up all those tubs, OMG, from the living room and taking them to the storage unit, installing toilets, etc), I'm using reverse psychology to motivate me to work. I'm not ALLOWED to work. Hmm. Suddenly, it's more appealing. Plus, there's a time limit. Having that stopping point relieves me of the guilt I feel that it's not all done yet.

How is it going so far? Today was the first day. I'm amazed. I got my entire list done. It would have been three hours, but I made a couple of mistakes. But that's OK, because it made me aware of some of my pitfalls—things I wasn't conscious of doing that have made it take longer for me to do stuff in the past. (It took 4.5 hours and yes, I'm shortening tomorrow's time.)

For example, I had some kitchen cleanup duties in there. All I had to do was take out the recycling and trash, put the dishes in the dishwasher, wash the dirty pots and pans (by hand because they stay nicer that way), wipe off the counters and stove, and put away a couple of pizza pans. Well, I got all that done in about 15 minutes (faster than I anticipated). Then I made a mistake. Instead of stopping when I completed the tasks on my list, I added/created a new duty that wasn't necessary at the time but "while I was there"... I saw greasy grimy gunk on the range hood that was attracting fuzz, so I decided to clean IT, too, as well as the backsplash. That cost me a full half hour!

While doing a quick-sort of the tubs in the living room to make sure it was all stuff to be stored, I came across an issue of Time from 1978. OK, why? Why did Mom save it? Nothing was marked. I should have just laughed and pitched it, right? Wrong. I sat down and paged through it. It was fascinating. There were cigarette ads, booze ads, and a beautiful full-color four-page ad for the 1979 Pinto. Yep. You guessed it. Not only did I save it for its historic magnificence, but I lost a good 20 minutes of work time poring over that thing. I got thoroughly distracted by something that I didn't need to be focusing on at the time.

I also got hungry and stopped to eat a cookie. And I forgot to factor in catbox duty.

However... I made SERIOUS progress in the living room, and I am now down about six bins' worth of crap. All because rather than looking at it as "*sigh* yuck, I have to spend all day sorting this crap in the living room it's so overwhelming I can't take it", I set a time limit and by golly—I did it! The best thing is that rather than feeling like I'd failed to "finish" yet again, I felt immensely accomplished. I felt like it was absolutely OK to stop when I did. It's liberating, I'll tell ya, liberating!

I'm almost—dare I say it—excited about tomorrow's work period. It's like a game: how much can I accomplish in three hours? The reward being that once the three hours is up, I'm free to do ANYTHING I want to.

That's the next challenge. Teaching myself that it's OK to do something for me. I'll probably have to set up a time-limit/time-frame for that as well. Such as, I have three hours for work, then three hours for music, or three hours to spin, or sew, or read, or play games—but it HAS to be something other than being on the computer (unless it's to compose music), Second Life, watching TV—other than what I usually fall into by default. I have to make a conscious choice to do something completely "non-constructive". (Mother's definition of "constructive" meant that it had a purpose toward the important things; she got mad once when I suggested that since I was sewing, I was constructing a garment, therefore I was doing something constructive. I love you, Mom. In spite of it all.)

Now I'm going to get off this computer (after I finish catching up on blogs) and hit the hay.

---

Labels: 30-Day Org, boring household crap, musings, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

Final Countdown

Well, twenty aught seven is coming to a close and TWO THOUSAND GREAT is almost upon us. What are you doing tonight?

At this point, it's 9:04 PM and I have no plans to go out on the town. But who knows? That could change. I ran to the store earlier for cat food and a bottle of champers (champagne)—why not, eh? I might have to run out again for another gallon of milk as they are predicting a winter storm, 6-8 inches of snow, and though I have a gallon and a half in the fridge... better to be prepared, I say.

2007 was a definite improvement over 2006 and I'm excited about what life may bring in 2008. One of the podcasts I listen to regularly comes from Karen Linew, Law of Attraction Tips. Karen also issues an email newsletter. The most recent issue included an exercise I found to be most interesting and that I plan to do tonight. I pulled this from the newsletter in case you wanted to try it for yourself:

WANT TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH THIS YEAR?
Every New Year's Day we (Karen and her husband) brush away the cobwebs in our heads if we've been out celebrating the night before and we get really excited about the upcoming year. We look forward to this day because it has helped us to create some simply amazing things.

Here's what we do:

1. We talk about the incredible way our lives have changed for the positive in the past year and how thankful we are for all of it.
2. We discuss our challenges but mostly focus on how we overcame those challenges and created a positive outcome.
3. Next we chat about the things we have most appreciated about the year—whether it's been new relationships, new stuff or new personal achievements.
4. Our discussion then moves to what we would like to see happen next. We talk about what we would like to achieve in our professional, health, fun, financial, home and spiritual portions of our life. (Note: we do 1-4 and 6 weekly as well)
5. Our next step is to write down everything. We each have our own special books where we write all of this down. Each of these items is written in the present tense or in 'I Am' statements which are incredibly powerful.
6. We then review the many shared items and talk about how exciting it is to have these things in our life. (We don't try to figure out how any of this will happen and we don't talk about how it will be orchestrated—this is a definite no-no!)

Remember, what you focus on is what you get, so if you want things to change—you cannot focus on what is—you'll only get more of that.

There you have it. Another of my personal gurus suggests writing a list of the things you want to be, do and have in the next 12 months, as if you already are, are doing, or have them, then put the list away until December 31, 2008. The key is to write them as if they are currently happening:

• I drive a dark red Dodge Ram 3500 with custom leather interior and a gooseneck towing package
  
  
• I transport my horses in a 3-horse slant-load gooseneck trailer
  
  with a weekender package*
  
  in the Sonoma Pottery Decor
  
  



• I am at the Parelli Center in Ocala, FL
  
  with Cheerios doing the six-week intensive and having a blast
  
• I'm riding in a brand-new Parelli Fusion Saddle
  
  
• I am healthy and in great shape
• I just sold my house in Toledo for my list price
• I just sold the other property for the list price
• I am the sole winning MegaMillions jackpot ticketholder
  
  
• I am composing music soundtracks for meditation and affirmation CDs professionally
• I am writing a book
• I am a prosperity coach making $300,000 per year
  

You get the idea. ;-)

Be safe, be well, and see you next year!

*Weekender package: that's a horse trailer with the most minimal living quarters possible—a bed up in the "neck", a kitchenette, a foldout dining table for two, and a "cowboy shower" (shower stall with a toilet in the middle, a space saver). So's I can "camp" for six weeks and save on lodging. Of course... if I've won the lottery, would that really be an issue? LOL!

---

Labels: gratefulness, holidaze, Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 7:18 PM 0 comments

Post-Holiday Wrap Up

All right, so I wound up going to visit the family after all.

It wasn't so bad.

In fact, it was far less eventful than I'd anticipated. The visit, that is. Getting there? A tad more eventful. No, everything is OK. But I was supposed to leave Sunday. I wasn't done wrapping. My car's windshield wipers went wonky again like they did on the trip to Omaha. The low tire light came on. We had severe high wind warnings. I postponed the trip until Monday.

Around 4 AM, I noticed an odd smell in the house. It was coming from the ceiling vents. Imagine opening up a brand-new vinyl shower curtain then heating it up. That's what it smelled like. It was enough to cause a mini-migraine.

I didn't get much sleep waiting for morning to arrive. The HVAC guy came quickly. After inspecting the furnace and crawling around in the attic, he vacuumed the unit and suggested I replace the filters (he was out of my size). He also took the optional air cleaner units away to be soaked (they were installed to help my mother's asthma).

Apparently furnace filters need to be replaced more often than once every three years or so.

I went to the hardware store on Christmas Eve day to buy furnace filters. Oh, joy.

Despite assurance that it was nothing more than that, I was somewhat uneasy about leaving, fearing I'd return to a smoldering pile of rubble where my house once stood. I decided that as long as my answering machine picked up, it meant the house was OK.

Around Columbus, I stopped for a burger and called my house.

No answer.

Ring ring ring ring ring.

Panic? Who me?

The friend caring for the cats had just gotten home from work. I called her. She drove right over there. House was OK.

Remember the answering machine malfunction from about two months ago?

Yup. It did it AGAIN. I swear. That thing is only a year old. (Today it was replaced with an all-in-one corded phone with answering device. From another company.)

My friend, whose nose is much more acute than mine, took a good whiff and said it smelled like old burning dust, not the scent of a potential electrical fire (which she'd had experience with in her lifetime). I relaxed and went on my way.

The house is fine. The smell is gone. All five felines are quite well, thanks. Just so you know.

The actual visit was fine, too. I'd neglected to factor in the Small Children Under Three aspect. Here I was basing my fears and trepidations on past experiences when it was just the adults with plenty of time to sit around drinking and grilling each other. Now there are toddlers. They take up the entire spotlight. Nobody focuses on anyone else's problems anymore because they are too busy trying to keep little hands off of dangerous things, and all the other stuff that goes along with that. What blessed relief!

It was also a startling relief to be at my sister's new house, because there were absolutely no associations to my parents this Christmas and therefore no overwhelming moments of sadness (no triggers). My parents never saw that house, never went to the niece's for the festivities—it was completely new except for the people involved.

I wasn't exactly brimming with Christmas Spirit, but I wasn't bah humbug either. I was, however, very glad to drive up and find my house exactly as I'd left it.

The trip made me realize a lot of things.

First of all, I'm not prepared to be responsible for a house like this. Dad took care of things so well that I never learned about things like where the main water shut off is, why furnaces smell like that, and so on. (You know how they teach Singles Survival in high school—how to read a lease, write checks, cook dinner? They should teach basic home maintenance and emergency preparedness, car care, and financial advice, too.) I have no idea what needs to be done to winterize the house, or spring maintenance, or how long a water heater lasts, or if I have to go down into the crawl space for any reason *shudder* and if so, what to look for and if not, who to call to do that. (And I'm a Kollidge Gradooit.)

Secondly, if I were away and an emergency arose at home, I am lost. I know my friend would whisk the cats to safety if she suspected danger, but... the cat carriers aren't accessible at night, she doesn't know where they are. I couldn't tell her where to find this or that paper (I know where it is, but it's not "filed"). There are certain things that can be duplicated while in existence but not replaced—right now, if the house... well, it would all be gone. My life. In a heartbeat.

I realized that I am paying for a storage unit. In that unit are things that I will "deal with later". The irony is that all of that stuff would be safe. The important stuff would be gone. Somehow that doesn't seem logical to me.

I realized that I need to prioritize differently. I need to prioritize getting this house in order, making sure the irreplaceable things are duplicated and the second set in a secure spot (at another location). I need to learn about seasonal and regular maintenance. I need to make some sort of loose plan. I need to put important things in writing (such as, in the event of the worst case scenario, here are my wishes for my cats, and so on).

I need to stop living my life on hold and in a holding pattern.

This was especially emphasized upon arrival at my sister's. I thought I'd be entering a nice new calm environment.

It was box central. It was JUST like the environment I'd just left a few hours ago. OK, I cut her some slack, she just moved in, but... I also know her. She's worse than me when it comes to procrastination. I predict, and really hope I'm wrong, that when I go for Xmas 2013, it will look pretty much the same. Cluttered, half-empty boxes stacked precariously everywhere, no place to sit... chaos. (At least I have entire rooms that are chaos-free.)

I also got a good look at personality traits I want to change. Am changing. Have changed, in some respects. The prevalent traits exhibited through their conversations are skepticism, victimization, and inferiority complexes. Skepticism: "Yeah, right, like that's ever gonna happen". Victimization: "We have no control over what happens—we can try to change it but it's mostly luck". Inferiority: "Forget it, because you don't have the right _______ (amount of money, talent, skill, age, weight, height, or other limitation) to make it happen".

There was one incident that underscored this. The day after, I was shopping at a deep discount store (it's a tradition) with the girls (the nieces who are close to my age) and one of their husbands before we all departed. One of my nieces is a very big girl—she's a 3X—and has been unsuccessful at losing any weight. The other was practically anorexic on her wedding day but has since been in a terrible car accident some years ago (that left her with nerve damage and back problems), produced a child, had a hysterectomy and has gained some weight over the past year. I'm heavier than I'd like to be, but I know I can change it.

I'd been in another department and found the girls exploring last summer's swimsuits. Big niece was looking through the one-pieces hoping to find one for her trip to Florida. Smaller niece was being helpful, pulling suits for Big Niece. I spied some two-pieces. As I reached for one, Smaller Niece looked up and said condescendingly, "Oh, Jeanne—*chuckle*—I think our days of bikinis are over, don't you? I doubt you can even get into a bikini anymore."

It didn't even bother me. I replied "Maybe for now, but I fully intend to be back in a bikini again." (Law of Attraction! At the same time, my brain said won't she be surprised next year when she sees how skinny I am then?)

She snorted and said "Good luck with that."

I said sincerely, "Thank you!" and smiled. And thought, how sad for them that they think that way.

Dead silence from the crew.

They had no idea how to respond to my unexpected reaction. They were expecting me to get defensive, or blast them, or some other reaction like I might've in the past.

I noticed how uncomfortable they were becoming. I let them stew for a bit, then diffused the situation with a joke (though I didn't mean it because I didn't believe it). I said "I can fit into a bikini... but I never said it would look good, ha ha".

I could get angry and say "what a bitch!" But I won't. Instead, I feel sad for her. Obviously she's very self-conscious about gaining weight, and is worried that she'll be as "powerless" to stop it as her sister (the Bigger Niece) has been. I'm sad because I know that BOTH of them have all the power within them to change anything about their lives that they dislike—but they don't know it—and even more sad, they are unwilling to see it or believe that it's possible. Their counter intentions are so firmly locked in.

Maybe when I've been blatantly and visibly successful at altering my own life, it'll serve as evidence to them of the possibilities in life, and maybe then they'll discover for themselves what I'm learning now. I know I could tell them, but it would fall on deaf ears. They need to SEE proof, not just hear about it. When I have visible results, I'll have the credibility they need, then they'll believe it.

Then, perhaps, they'll be inspired to try it for themselves.

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Labels: family time, holidaze, Law of Attraction, musings, positive thinking, Xmas

posted by Jeanne @ 12:50 AM 1 comments

Correlations

Very bizarre.

Late Sunday night, after watching Desperate Housewives (OMG the ending!), Dexter and whatever was on in between, I flipped over to Joel Osteen's sermon #368 "Be Comfortable with Who You Are". He starts with a joke, then launches into the day's topic.

I was riveted.

The sermon/topic mirrored my last blog. Everything from "Out of this hurl-fest" onward. Joel's subject matter was that each of us has a special gift to share and that by sharing our gift, we'll be abundantly blessed.

When, in the course of listing the various gifts we are uniquely given, he said "some of you may be communicators", I nearly fell off the couch.

Weird.

The message I got from his show was validation of what I've been thinking about—but also more insight. Joel talked about focusing on our strengths, because that is where our gift lies. He said God will open doors for you and do all He can to help you to become the person he created you to be, but he won't help you try to be something you're not. I relate that to the obstacles that pop up whenever the wrong path is taken.

In addition, the daily message "Today's Word" from the Osteen Ministries followed up on this. (If you're uncomfortable with the God terminology, feel free to replace words. I won't be offended. I used to get a bad case of "ick" myself but now I'm fine with it.) Have a read:

Pursue Your Strengths
Today's Scripture
“Do not neglect your gift…” (I Timothy 4:14).

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
God has equipped each one of us with specific gifts and talents. It’s up to you to not only to identify those gifts, but to be disciplined to develop those gifts. You have to learn to stay in your strength zone. What are you naturally good at? What do you enjoy doing? Take the time to identify your strengths and weaknesses and as the scripture says, give yourself to your gifts. In other words, don’t spend all your time trying to improve your weaknesses. Don’t waste valuable days pursuing things that are outside your main gifting. Focus on your strengths. There is something that you’re good at naturally—something you can do that comes easy to you. Step out into your area of gifting. Are you good with people? Are you good with your hands? Do you have a great voice? Find ways to develop those gifts. Know that your gifts and talents are a part of your divine destiny. If you’ll be comfortable with who God made you to be, and thank Him for your unique gifting, you’ll not only enjoy your life more, but you’ll be ready to receive the abundant blessing God has in store for you!

Kinda creepy, isn't it, how closely it correlates to my thoughts from the day before, eh?

So you'd think after hearing this, I'd wake up inspired today, right?

Wrong.

Not sure what was wrong with me today but never mind the positive thinking, I was in a major funk today and it wasn't about to budge. I even took a bubble bath (rare occurrence) to try to shift the sadsack mentality.

Meh.

When J called, for some reason I unleashed it on him. He's very non-emotional and handles my occasional mood swings deftly (points for that). After two hours of "counseling", we hung up so I could eat (and watch the rest of the Closer). Then it hit me what the source of the funk was. Those darned limiting beliefs. Well, I asked for it. I put that affirmation in there to wake them up, and I must've opened an enormous can of worms because during my emotional launch at J, a whole lot of long buried limiting beliefs (aka "excuses") flew out. Stuff I didn't even know was in there.

I tell ya, these affirmations can be dangerous! I'm thinking I need to edit my MP3. Re-examine some of the phrases. See if there are any potentially damaging flipsides to them (no matter how positive they sound). I think the limiting belief paragraph is worthwhile, but... maybe better left for later in the course of things, or... maybe you play that one ONCE then fasten your seat belt. Kind of the introductory purge, followed up by a high dose of light happy thoughts designed to counteract the wormcan.

Do I feel better?

Ask me in the morning.

---

Labels: Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 2:59 AM 1 comments

Brain Barf

Well, I was going to post an entry about my experiments with the affirmation MP3 that I created for myself, but... I needed to edit. The original version was too long. I couldn't even get through it. (You may feel the same way about this post, I don't know.) As written, the entry I almost posted comes off like the incoherent ramblings (IMHO) of an insane person. I know I'm out there sometimes but if it's striking me as out there...

Let's just say that I completed my assignment and made the 38-minute MP3 (with a 12-page script of affirmations) and successfully uploaded it to the cell phone and fell asleep to it last night, and that the resulting aftermath today was not what I expected, but... astounding.

OK. Since I have to share this with someone...

Because I've read so much about the effect that limiting beliefs have on the probability of manifesting stuff, and I know I've been carrying around a TON of them (aren't we all), I wrote a specific affirmation in my script to deal with that:

Each of my limiting beliefs now rises, one by one, to the surface of my consciousness, where it is acknowledged, identified, understood, and released. I choose now to identify, understand, and release ALL of the limiting beliefs and to carry this understanding into my waking consciousness. Any obstacle that has inhibited my progress in the past is now gone. I choose to let it GO.

I was expecting to wake up yesterday (Saturday) feeling the way I've felt all week listening to the other MP3s (optimistic and centered). What I wasn't expecting was to spend the entire afternoon dealing with brain barf. My brain basically projectile-vomited as many of my limiting beliefs as it could, and I had to acknowledge, identify, understand and release them.

Out of this hurl-fest arose a clarity of purpose that I have not had since I was small. It's not about being a musician, writer, horsemanship instructor, graphic artist, or whatever. The clarity came when I realized that ALL of this is just surface extraneous stuff—the real reason for being transcends the physical. To really get what I'm trying to say here will require further explanation, but the gist is that it's about the soul's purpose, not the method of manifestation. What I choose to "be", that is, how I manifest my soul's purpose (by "being" a musician or whatever) is not anywhere near as important as the fact that I actually DO manifest my soul's purpose.

I'm here on this earth to give something, and to receive something. What I'm here to get is the understanding of how this whole "life in the physical thing" functions (it goes way beyond grow up go to college get job make money get married have kids buy big screen TV) and learn how to play The Game (life) in order to transcend the levels of soul development and achieve enlightenment (a phrase I don't like but have yet to think of a better way to put it). What I'm here to give is my gift—and I'm obligated to do so.

After an entire afternoon of self-analysis, startling revelations and loads of brain barf, I realized that the common thread joining my varied interests is communication. Music, art, writing—methods used to communicate ideas. Natural horsemanship—method of communicating with horses. Metaphysics and natural horsemanship—alternative ways of thinking, perceiving, believing. It all makes sense (to me, anyway).

Perhaps my gift isn't as precise as music or art or animals. Perhaps it is merely the skill of communicating and perhaps music/art/blogging/(fill in blank) is just a vehicle. Maybe I'm a communicator in the way that some are healers. Maybe my soul's job is to teach (impart knowledge, not necessarily pursue the profession). Maybe the knowledge I'm to teach has something to do with all this Law of Attraction stuff I'm learning about, because it—whether you call it LoA, prayer, faith, spells, meditation, visualization or something else—IS the whole key to "winning" (ascending) the "game" (the levels of enlightenment) of "life" (the soul's experience within a physical construct).

When we gratefully and eagerly share our gift, it sends a message to our souls. It is in alignment with our most authentic self (soul) and our purpose. The soul responds with an outpouring of positive energy. This energy attracts to it like energy—so we experience the ever-expanding abundance of the Universe. In human terms, when we shift our attitudes, drop our limiting beliefs, and follow our most authentic bliss without reservation, we get great things in return. Good things start happening for us. That proverbial ship comes in. We live a great life.... as long as we stay in alignment with our SOUL'S purpose and continue to freely share that gift without getting caught up in the rewards (putting more emphasis on the rewards or trappings than on the soul's purpose/message).

I'm out of steam now, so I'll leave you with this for now.

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Labels: Law of Attraction, musings, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 4:54 AM 1 comments

Neon Blue, Of Course

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

It's true. I have Blue Brain.

I think since it's Cyber Monday, this calls for bullet points.

• The adorable horselet? Not buying her. She is too big to fit into my budget right now and despite what the LoA dictates, I'm not foolish enough to risk bankruptcy in three months over a baby horse. She's cute... but I think she was there to remind me of my PNH goals and spark my flagging interest. (It worked.)
• RIP Kevin DuBrow. The Riot will be extremely Quiet from now on, since the singer has died. Only 52. Shame.
• RIP Casey Calvert, guitarist/"screamer" from the band Hawthorne Heights (a band I'd never heard of until today). Only 25. That makes two well-known musicians to die today. Who will be the third?
  
• Toledo voted third most livable city IN THE WORLD. Please prepare to report for the Rapture. It has to be the end of the world because this is impossible for me to believe, having lived in Toledo. (Yes, Toledoans, I don't like it. Aren't you glad I moved?) ;-)
  
• Organizing Challenge: the living room cleanup has failed. Because I'm selling my house in Toledo (3rd most livable city in the world, hurry and buy now because I'm tellin' ya she won't last long), and it goes on the market 11/30, I have been focusing on cleaning IT.
• Being the musical genius *cough cough* that I am, I figured out a way to import several of my favorite affirmation MP3s from podcasts into separate tracks in Cubase™, then line them up so they were in an order that had a nice flow, then export as one big MP3. Then I uploaded that to my cell phone's memory card.
• As an experiment, last night, I laid in bed listening to it—yep, earbuds, cell phone, affirmation MP3—before falling asleep. I listened twice. I fell asleep in the middle of round two. I slept soundly. I woke up feeling more centered. I've behaved slightly differently today. I feel better.
• Therefore, my plan for the week (in between revving up the Toledo house) is to design my own personalized affirmation MP3 (since I have the technology). I want something about a half hour-45 minutes long, with a very simple quiet sound loop (I can so do that), and affirmations that address specific issues I've been challenged by. I want to see if I can totally retrain my brain subconsciously before sleeping... and see if it actually does change my life.

For example. I realized with a shock what my most basic, core belief is, and it scared me to death. While thinking about beliefs I have and how to change them, I heard my Mother scoffing at me.

Do you really think that all those affirmations and statements are gonna have any effect on your life? It might change what you believe to be true, but it's not going to just magically change the way it REALLY is.

Now, how am I supposed to work with that? I'm studying a philosophy that teaches that by changing your core beliefs, you affect change in your life—but my core belief is that it WON'T work. If I don't even believe that changing beliefs has an effect... um... kind of a problem, dontcha think?

So I'm sitting here telling myself I choose statements, reaffirming my intent, doing my best to shift my beliefs from limiting ones to the kind that will manifest my dreams, but my core belief tells me "yeah, cute how she does that, but she'll be so disappointed when she's changed all of her beliefs but all hell came crashing down on her anyway, because the way it is now is how it IS, and the logical natural progression of things from how it stands now is down—there simply IS no other way for it to go unless, ha ha, a miracle occurs or magic really exists, and all the mystical affirmations in the world aren't going to change that, so she's just kidding herself. Tsk tsk. So sad."

Well, I'm stumped. NOW what do I do?

No wonder my brain is blue!

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Labels: 30-Day Org, bullet points, Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 11:31 PM 2 comments

Nominate

Nominate: designate, select, appoint, suggest, choose.

As you know, I'm really into that Law of Attraction thing. (Knitting? What knitting? Oh, it's around here somewhere... OK, I'm on the last repeat and a half of Sock #2 of the Embossed Leaves socks and when the toe is done I will post a picture. Promise.)

Today, I found another LoA blog, relatively new, by Colin Joss. He's not a heavy poster, but he makes some profound entries. Like this one from June. In it, he talks about the ONE MAGIC WORD that is the key to manifesting your desires. The one we forget to include.

Choose.

Well. I read his post. Then I mulled it over. I agreed wholeheartedly with his admonition that every time he voices an affirmation (that has even the slightest air of grandiosity about it), that little voice mocks him and tells him he's lying.

I'm very familiar with that voice.

It's the same voice that snorts in disbelief when I affirm things such as "I'm OK right now in this moment. I have more than enough money on hand right now." It snorts, and says, "Yeah, but the minute you pay a bill... pretty soon, you won't be all right!" The voice that screams "OMG we are NOT all right!" It's the voice, I think that awakens me bolt upright at 3 AM (if I'm asleep by then) and sends me into a panic attack with the "what ifs":

What if the estate doesn't close in the next month or so?
What if Grandma's house doesn't sell until 2009?
What if the house in Toledo doesn't sell, or only gets low-ball offers?
What if something terrible happens requiring large amounts of money to fix?
What if you can't ever get another job?
What if you don't make it at some level in the music biz?
What if, what if, what if... yaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhh

I lie there talking myself down from the ledge. I tell the Voice to SHUT UP. (Yes, literally, out loud.) I tell it that the money we're currently living on is, if used conservatively (ie the lack of yarn crawls lately), plenty to see us through for a while. I tell it worst case scenario I might have to take a crappy job I can't stand* if only to pay bills and that I think "we" are smart enough to do that before it gets really bad. I tell it the houses WILL sell if we believe they will.

I tell it just because it looks a little scary right now doesn't mean it's going to stay this way OR that it's going to get scarier—life changes. It HAS to get better eventually. Just because it isn't wonderful today, this moment, doesn't mean that tomorrow won't be better. A lot can happen in a day, a week, a month, a year. Life today is not the same for me as it was this time last year. Or this time in 2005, or 1993, or 1978. There were days when it seemed like it was never going to get better, then it did; or vice versa.

Hell, a lot can change in an instant. Ask anyone who has sat beside their dying loved one, who has observed that one moment, the person is breathing and alive, and the next minute, they aren't. Ever. Again. That's not the most positive anecdote... hmm. Or, ask someone who was lonely and single one day, then the next day they turn a corner and bump into someone and it turns out to be the person they marry. Or ask someone who's having a baby. One minute they are one; then they are two and an entirely new life is here.

Then I lie there and run through affirmations, positive thoughts, taking all the scary stuff and turning it around. When my version of Hysterical Mind (thank you, Sheepish Annie, for coming up with the perfect name) tries to take over and flash visions of my bank account balance in a downward spiral with bells of doom clanging wildly and emboldens and enlarges the "current balance" number as it shrinks before my eyes, I tell it again to shut up, then I force the vision to shift. I simply add zeros to the left of the decimal point. Just take the number where it currently stands, and scoot it to the left one or two spots. Try it—it's easy to turn 110 to 1,100 to 11,000 to 110,000 to 1,100,000, then hit pause and hold it firmly until something inside you relaxes and you don't have to use as much energy to keep that big number floating in front of you. I visualize the tally increasing, bigger and bigger and bigger until it is to a realistically-attainable and comfortable level.

Still, sometimes when I imagine a million-dollar bank balance, I hear snickering from That Voice in the background.

Today I've realized a couple of things. The word "choose" was actually the second of the two, but we'll examine it first. Like Mr. Joss says, rather than affirming something like "I make $10,000 a month" (which is sure to send That Voice off into fits of hysterical laughter), just add "choose to" to the mix.

"I choose to make $10,000 a month."

OK, I tried it with one of my own affirmations, which *cough* is "I am the multimillion-dollar winner of the MegaMillions (Classic Lotto) jackpot".

Hear the giggles? The rolling of the eyes, the "yeah, right! in your dreams!" that comes spewing forth? Good. Now try it this ways:

"I choose to be the multimillion-dollar winner of the MegaMillions (Classic Lotto) jackpot."

Funny. Can't seem to mock that.

The first realization I had early today over mornternoon coffee was that maybe my mistake is in fixating on HAVING a set amount of money in the bank. (It elicits the same snort from That Voice, because how much is enough? What if you spend it all and need more? It IS possible to spend millions. Not that I currently have that worry, but still.)

What if I focus instead on the process? Because what gets any of us into financial trouble is the process of spending more than we make/have. The outflow is greater than the inflow. So we think, well, if I had MORE money, that wouldn't be a problem. But many have found that something interesting occurs: we think if we get a raise, we'll be better off. And we are, for awhile, until we elevate our lifestyle just a tad, and suddenly, we need more again to meet the new expenditures. So since we can never really have "more"... it's not about needing MORE.

It's about SPEED.

It's about reversing the PROCESS.

The money flows out FASTER than it flows IN. That's the process that gets people into trouble, whether they make below minimum wage or are Donald Trump™. It's not the amount, it's the speed of transfer and the direction of flow.

So... to be financially solid, another new term I particularly enjoy (better than solvent because although one definition of solvent relates to being well-off, it also is a product used to dissolve things), maybe the thing to do is reverse the thought process to this affirmation:

I generate income faster than I can spend it.

We can expand on that:

I generate income from multiple sources faster than I can spend it. There is always more than enough money on hand for everything I need and desire.

Again, it still makes my mean little inside voice smirk. So let's combine today's lessons. Reverse the process, and add "choose".

I choose to generate income from multiple sources faster than I can spend it. There is always more than enough money on hand for everything I need and desire.

Say it out loud with me once. How does it feel inside? If adding the second sentence sets off your own Inside Voice of Mockery, just eliminate it—or add choose:

I choose to generate income from multiple sources faster than I can spend it. I choose to always have more than enough money on hand for everything I need and desire.

Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

I choose. Powerful stuff.

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*What do I have against getting a job? Nothing, except that jobs are not THE lone source of income. Also, I'm knee-deep in estate distribution still (meaning gargantuan task of sorting through stuff) which is like a full-time job. And I tend to get distracted by jobs, get off course, and I have this opportunity to avoid that and stay on the course I want to be on. For once. Focusing on music and horses unencumbered. I'm indulging the opportunity while I can. If a job opportunity comes along that is in alignment with my goals, I'll consider it, but I'm not taking any old job just for money. It might sound like backwards thought, but it isn't, according to my studies. It's "watch what everyone else does, and do the opposite". It works.

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Labels: Law of Attraction, positive thinking, sockaholism

posted by Jeanne @ 9:59 PM 0 comments