Connecticut Kitten Rescue Needs Your Help

Robin Olson, of the blog Covered in Cat Hair, has cats of her own and fosters many through her organization, Kitten Associates, Inc. As we all know, rescues often come with medical issues, and vet costs can add up fast.

Robin has her hands beyond full with one of her personal cats, Bob Dole, as well as the latest emergency, an absolutely beyond adorable foster kitten named Cara Melle. Bob Dole was Robin's late mother's cat, and he's currently being treated for lymphoma. Cara Melle is having severe intestinal issues requiring an ultrasound at the very least, surgery at the worst. There are other cats with maladies, but these two are by far the most urgent cases.

Well, I would want someone to pitch in and help me if I were in that situation. Robin has two Chip In funds going on her blog, one for Cara Melle and one for Bob Dole. There is also a general fund on the KA website. If you have a few extra dollars to spare, please visit her blog or site and give what you can. We all love our kitties, we know how precious they are, and how agonizing it is when love just isn't enough.

From one cat-infested household to another, I wish you all healthy, happy furries.


And yes, one of these days I might actually get around to posting on a regular basis again. So far, not much going on. My insulin-resistant mare finally found a new owner, and bonus, she didn't have to move barns. With any luck, she'll be having a foal next year. All five cats are doing well. My gelding is plodding along nicely. I worked for an accounting firm for a couple of months on a temp assignment; currently seeking something else and enjoying my vacation in the meantime. There has been some knitting, mostly trying to finish the ever-present UFOs, most of which are socks.

Oh, and the Estate finally closed. Not that it's over yet. There is still an Estate tax return matter to deal with, a small bank account to distribute and close, and I'm still buried under a pile of Inherited Stuff™ but the lawyer finally said close it or be charged additional fees, so we closed it.

Anyway, that's the update. Now, go visit Covered in Cat Hair and sacrifice the price of one or two Starbucks for a worthy, furry cause. Peace out.

Labels: cats, estate nonsense

posted by Jeanne @ 3:07 AM 0 comments

ClogLines?

Uh, so yeah.

So I'm working 23 hours per week. It shouldn't interrupt my life all that much, but somehow, it has! How is that?

Anyway, the job is going well so far. Don't think I can do it for the rest of my life, but there are worse things I could be doing. I finally have A job, and the Estate is close to being over forever—yes, it is STILL open, but now it's just a technicality. We're waiting on a couple of big refund checks to put into the Estate account, then we can close up shop. All the other stuff is done. (Warning: boring estate update to follow.)

While I was in Southern Ohio for ten minutes last week, I drove past the old place, fully braced to see an empty lot.

Nope. House looks just like we left it. It's oddly comforting to know that.

When I say ten minutes, I mean that that is exactly how long it took to resolve The Property Tax Nightmare at the Board of Revisions. That's right. I drove three hours (one way) for ten minutes of work. But had I not gone down, we would have forfeited by lack of appearance. The good news is, we won. The FMV was restored to the original amount for 2008 and will equal the actual sales prices for 2009 (which is only about a $3,700 increase in FMV or about $35/year payment extra—which doesn't even matter to us, because the new owners will be paying it).

In addition, because of the fire, the Auditors Office did us an enormous and generous favor. Had we been aware of it, we would have filed a document after the fire to have the FMV of the house reduced due to damage. But we didn't find out about this option until long after the papers should have been filed. The Auditor unexpectedly decided to allow the 50% reduction in FMV on the house ANYWAY!!! I was happily floored.

All in all, the FMV on Grandma's property dropped $128,000 in that meeting! We'll be getting a refund for the property taxes that were overpaid at the last lot closing. No, not $128k. That's the FMV. We'll be getting a couple thousand back, though, that we shouldn't have had to pay.

I walked out of that office feeling about 90 feet tall and a tad bulletproof, LOL! That attitude went with me to the bank where the first lot closing was to sort out the taxation fallout on that closing. You probably don't remember, but there had been a deed mixup, and the man buying a 3-acre lot accidentally was deeded the entire 8.7 acres. Whoopsie there, Title Office!

What we didn't catch at the closing was the tax proration. It had been prorated and deducted from both sides of the closing statements. It was my first property sale, so I just trusted what the realtor said. I know better now. Take a calculator and add up the figures yourself, and KNOW approximately what your prorated property tax should be.

Turns out, the proration the Title Company did was based on the ENTIRE LOT. Not 3-acres of it (about 1/3rd). That means we received less in our proceeds than we should have. Whoopsie.

The attorney from that closing says if we show payment of the taxes made by us, once we know the actual FMV for that year, we are due a refund. Luckily the buyer is an honest decent man. He'll likely make good on it. I feel bad asking, but... it's business. And it isn't much, but... it's business.

Anyway. End of boring Estate update. I promise there won't be too many more of these. If any.

At the moment, I'm just getting used to being an employee again, and enjoying the relief that comes with having an income AND suddenly having the financial cushion again. This time, though, I won't be complacent. I've learned my lessons the hard way, and I'm better prepared this time. I know it all happened for a reason, and as hard as it was, it was GOOD for me.

Maybe one day there will be knitting content in here again. And maybe I can relax now, knowing that at least one post appears in Bloglines tonight (nothing! no posts! freaked me out).

Labels: estate nonsense, gratefulness, nothing important

posted by Jeanne @ 2:32 AM 1 comments

SOLD!

On August 5th, we got an offer on Grandma's house. It was lowball again. But higher than the last lowball offer. The buyers reasoned that they were basically buying the land—not the house—and that the house would be torn down. You know how I feel about that. I resisted.

I've spent the month dickering and bickering, with the realtor, the sister, the buyers, the estate lawyer, and my own conscience.

In recent months, everyone else's opinion about the value of the property had shifted. I was the last holdout who believed with a vengeance that this old house could and should be saved; that buyers weren't seeing its true potential; that we were on the verge of being ripped off if we settled for a lowball offer.

Yes, for the land only, it was a pretty fair price. But I maintained stubbornly that they'd be buying more than the land; they'd also get two outbuildings in good condition that to build new would cost upwards to $30,000, and they did get a house if they were willing to use it.

The buyers and realtor said that the condition of the house was so poor that it could no longer be saved. Since the fire last year that widened the hole in the roof, mold and mildew had set in due to the amount of moisture that got past the huge tarp attached to the damaged corner of the house. It was becoming a health hazard, and it needed to be torn down as soon as possible because it was a liability. On top of that, the 121-year-old stone foundation was failing.

When we reached an impasse on price, and my sister suggested we let the Probate Court decide how much the house was really worth (to the tune of a $500 filing fee and who knows what else afterward), I thought about it and realized how many more months this could drag out if we went that route. Mother will have been dead for three years at the end of September.

That's long enough.

And with every day that passes, the house deteriorates more, the chances increase of more bad things happening, and the estate is no closer to being closed.

Finally, I gave up. Then I gave in.

We pushed for the highest possible counter, and we took it.

As of Friday at 4:00 PM, I no longer own any property in Southern Ohio. It is over.

Yesterday, I went down there to be at the closing, to see who bought the house, and to have one last look at it to say a final, permanent goodbye. I thought I would be a wreck.

The closing was complicated and almost didn't happen because we are in the middle of an appeal with the auditor over the tax assessment. (Have I written about this? They assessed it for 2008 at double what it was worth before, AND failed to recognize the lot splits, so it was assessed on the entire acreage, not on the 2.5 acres remaining after the sales of the land lots last year. The initial appeal was flatly denied by the School Board which filed a counter-complaint against the estate to keep it at the super-high price. However, I have a contact in the auditor's office who is EXTREMELY nice and helpful, and is going above and beyond the call of duty to help us rectify this because he sees clearly that the amount is in error. He's pulling strings to push it through faster to avoid going to a court date in the fall. This man is a Godsend, and I commend him. The end result will be a refund to us for overpaid taxes, and the records will be corrected to value the lots at the sales prices which, ironically, combine to be very close to what the original valuation was before the re-assessment.)

It was just a basic paperwork nightmare, compounded by the fact that the Will made us co-executrixes, so both have to sign all the documents; my sister wouldn't agree to ever let me have one iota of Power of Attorney because it would mean giving up control; and she is out of state, retired, and doesn't have a fax machine. It looked like I'd made the trip for nothing.

But I sat in the realtor's office, and I just decided, "OK. If this house is supposed to sell today, then it will all work out. If it's not, fine. Then it won't, and I'll go back home, and wait for Guidance to tell me what to do with it." Then I accepted whatever outcome happened.

It sold.

The buyers said they'd really wanted to save the house, but they'd determined (with the hlep of experts) that it was too far gone to be healthy. What happens is that the mold gets in between the walls, and permeates the frame. I guess it rots. Either way, it's impossible to kill once it's that far. So they were going to tear down, salvage what they could from it, and build new.

I met them out at the house for a final visit.

When I opened the door and walked in, it literally took my breath away, and not in a good way. I had to cover my nose and mouth. Had I been asthmatic, I'd probably be in the hospital.

I took a flashlight and did a very fast walk-through anyway. I was horrified at the condition. It is literally falling apart. It is a sick house now. It is not the beautiful Victorian my grandmother loved so dearly. It is a decrepit, forgotten health hazard. It made me so sad I cried for it. But it also cemented what I hadn't wanted to believe before—that we were lucky to get this offer, low as it was, and that it was time to sell it, and to let it go. Even if that meant tearing it down. I understood now that just as it is with animals who are too sick or injured to fix, sometimes the kindest thing is to let it go.

While I was up in the attic looking for the old headboard (which would not go down the stairs no how no way and was beginning to rot anyway, so I said forget it), I was a bit of a wreck. I sobbed out, "OK, Grandma, Mom, if you have any last words, now would be the time to appear, because this is it—it's sold, it's over. Now or never."

Almost immediately, I heard my Mom and Dad saying, "Let it go now, Jeanne". I felt a peace descend upon me.

And then it was time to say goodbye. It's no longer in our family. It was the last time I will ever drive up that driveway and see it standing there. Standing—more like shakily gripping the walker. I took one long last look, with a flood of memories pouring through me, and silently thanked it for all of the years it sheltered my family and the good times we had there. Then I drove out that driveway and on down the road.

I have a cousin (well, several) who lives close to the old house. She's 92 now, and one of the last of the elder matriarchs. I stopped in to see her, and wound up staying for dinner (she is living with her daughter and son-in-law now as her hips are failing). It was such a lovely visit. She looks and sounds so much like Grandma, and some of her mannerisms and phrases sound like Mother. It was at once bittersweet sad, and comforting. She's still pretty sharp, and full of stories.

In a way, I feel disconnected, because we no longer have a "stake" in the ground down there. But I have family. They will always welcome me. And I have memories.

And now, we've cleared the last major hurdle that prevented the Estate from closing. We're on the downwind turn, headed for home.

Labels: estate nonsense, family time

posted by Jeanne @ 2:07 PM 3 comments

Meme and Estate Stuff

Well, I've been tagged, but I've already done the Random Things meme, and if you'd like to read it, go here and read it. :-)

I'd love to request some prayerful or similar energy from y'all. It's all good, though. The good news is, we got an offer on the house in the estate—the last remaining lot standing between me and freedom from the deathmare.

The not-as-good news is that it is ridiculously, insultingly low, and came with a list of justifications as to why the offer was low—most of which in everyone's opinion had no bearing on lowering the price because they were things that the future buyer could choose to do (such as relocate the driveway to make it a safer entrance or move the water tap-in) and not things that must be done.

Especially since the property is listed As Is with the assumption that given the condition of the house, the buyer has two options—tear it down and build new, or put in significant effort to do a complete restoration of the existing home. Both of these options will cost about the same amount of money to execute (actually, building new, depending on the size of the home, could cost considerably more than restoration). Both of these options increase profitability of the future sale of the restored or rebuilt home (meaning, whomever does this will likely make a killing if they sell when the market tops out in a few years).

Basically, we're aware of what it needs, and we have our reasons for setting the price where it is. It's actually been lowered by almost $40,000 since the fire happened. It's not about the house, it's about the quality of the setting, the lot and land itself, the existence of other fully functional outbuildings, the neighborhood, and so on. All of these factors justify the asking price.

If it was the house alone, yes, I could see how it might command a lower price. But it is not the HOUSE being bought, as in, "a move-in ready house", and that is clear in how it is listed. The house is not the primary focus of the listing.

But it's up to the buyer to decide if the raw materials suit their vision or not. You want it, buy it; you don't, that's fine. Just don't whine to us and expect us to lower our price drastically because what we have to offer doesn't suit you.

We countered on principle with a price about 10% lower than the asking price, just to make our point, and backed it up with OUR justifications. Yes, we intend to sell it, but let's be reasonable.

So I'd like to ask that you throw some positive energy our way towards having a miracle occur. Either have this buyer have an epiphany and agree to our counter or close to it; or conjure us up another buyer who sees the real value of the property, now and future, and is willing and able to reach an agreeable sum with us. Pronto, OK?

I have been "seeing" this closing occuring right after Christmas since before the offer came in. Help us make it so. You know what to do, I've coached you well. :-)

Thanks in advance.

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Labels: estate nonsense, memes

posted by Jeanne @ 4:38 PM 3 comments

Hey! Where'd October Go?

Hi! Sorry bout that! I am still alive. October didn't give me much to post about. Now it's November. Good grief. So let's see, what went on in October?

Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, horses

posted by Jeanne @ 8:03 PM 0 comments

The End of The End (A New Beginning)

All right. Is two years a long enough mourning period? Is one year the typical amount? Then I doubled it to accommodate two parental losses within four months, and since Mother went last and today marks two years since her demise, I'm done, right?

As of 11:42 AM, I'm officially done. Out of mourning. Finished with the Black Period. Through with being in a lifeless limbo.

My life must go on now. I love my parents, I miss them every day, but I cannot continue playing the role of "that poor girl who lost both of her parents four months apart, so sad". I cannot continue living in the limbo of inheritances that have yet to materialize, of estates that languish and lollygag around, of waiting for things to fall into place before making crucial life decisions, of time standing immortally frozen in a house that still resembles a storage unit/memorial.

My role is being redefined.

Who am I now?

I'll let you know as I figure it out.

Mother, please rest in peace now, along with Dad, knowing that I am safe, learning to be happy, and will eternally hold you both in my heart. Until we meet on the other side...

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Labels: estate nonsense, family time, musings

posted by Jeanne @ 8:51 PM 4 comments

God is GOOD! and Yarn

Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, gratefulness, sockaholism, stash enhancement

posted by Jeanne @ 6:30 PM 3 comments

One-Half Percent

I've had a bad day and wrote an insufferably long post, but I couldn't bring myself to air the entire basket of dirty laundry in public today, so...

Basically, as far as my family life is concerned, it's over. It's really, truly, over this time. I am officially an only child without parents or family members remaining.

And it was going so well with Sister. Judging by our last few conversations, we were on common ground finally and getting along well.

I guess I was wrong.

It started out great. I found out that since we're the co-executors, we have the power to transfer the funds and we can go ahead and write the partial distribution/equalization checks. That was better news, I thought, than my first chat of the day with her, where we agreed that we'd each take an equal smaller advance for now while the lawyer did the transfer.

I guess she wasn't ready to accept the whole enchilada, and the possibility of getting the money she's been whining about wanting to have RIGHT NOW for the past two years was too much, and it triggered a self-sabotaging action, and boom.

World War III. The ensueing blow out over the phone pretty much ended our relationship. We said a loooooootttt of nasty stuff. (But she started it... and I, foolishly, didn't see the trap, took the bait, and fell for it. By the time I realized what I was in, it was impossible to get out.)

After insulting me, telling me all my character flaws, accusing me of being like Anna Nicole Smith (influencing the old folks to give all their wealth to the interloper), and my hitting back with how if it weren't for my intervention, she wouldn't be getting a damned thing (among other nasties), it ended with her saying it's not equal unless I agree to pay the property tax on this house for 2007, and if I'm not going to agree to make it equal, then she isn't signing anything.

(Well, fuck you, too, princess.)

Then told me she wasn't interested in speaking to me anymore (as in ever, ever again) and hung up on me. (Just like Mother used to do when she didn't get her way.)

So in the span of a half hour, I went from about to have my share of the money and improved familial relations to maybe never having any of the money ever in my life as long as I live, plus now I officially have no family, at least none that are on speaking terms with me.

****

No, I'm OK. Considering.

Now, that is. I wasn't earlier, but I called a good friend sobbing, and she helped.

But I've pretty much learned to pull myself back from the ledge on my own. I'm just very, very, very disappointed in Sister's behavior (and mine).

You know why?

Because this is over the sum total of $1,100.

The property tax on this house is about $2,200 a year. If the estate pays it, we "split" it, so that's $1,100 out of her share. If I pay the entire thing, she gets $1,100 "more" because I pay her "share". She wants me to "pay" all of 2007 based on the fact that I was in residence.

I have a philosophical and a practical reason for opposing this.

Philosophically, and probably legally, the owner of the property is responsible for the tax. Therefore, the estate is responsible for the 2007 tax year because the deed was signed in April 2008. I didn't own it until then. (My argument: if you rent a house, are you responsible for paying the tax? No. The landlord/owner is. They won't come after the renter for it, they'll go after the owner for non-payment. Also, if residency is the deciding factor, then all members of the household are equally responsible, including the children, and hey, she lived here for awhile too, so...)

Besides. It's not FREE to live here. It just means no mortgage/rent. I still have to pay all the utilities, the upkeep, the insurance, AND carry my other house until it sells—with no job in a tight market, and my savings? Uh... well, I had some... (She has a job. And let's not go there, but—I was the one who was HERE in 2006... y'think maybe you could back off on this for the time being?)

Practically speaking, right now, that's a lot of money to me. Considering I'm getting maybe $20,000 in cash that I REALLY REALLY NEED, that would save my other house (the one that's on the market) from foreclosure, keep me alive, give me a cushion to live on while I find a job to support me, and to help me fix things that have to be fixed (preventatives), that $1,100 spells the difference between being OK and being almost OK. Right now, $1,100 is a LOT of money. Like half of the months' expenses until I sell my house and one horse and a bunch of stuff and have lower expenses.

I've been trying to carry two houses on no job, just savings and the freelance that dwindled away while I waited to get the money to pay those expenses while I went back to school. (The money wasn't for the graduate degree, it was for living expenses while studying full time because I'm 45 and want to get out fast, and to pay for the classes I need to take before going to grad school that financial aid will not cover due to the change in rules requiring enrollment in a degree-seeking program blah blah blah. The gist of it was, if you want to take them, you pay for them, then get into grad school and we'll give you a loan for that.)

But after Lots 1 and 3 sell, and I get my split, my bank account will increase dramatically. That $1,100 she's quibbling over will be much less painful for me to hand over to her should I "lose" the argument over who's responsible or just decide to once again defer to them over the issue. I can't do it RIGHT NOW. But I could do it LATER. I was willing to DISCUSS IT later.

Which I tried to explain to her.

She wasn't interested. And because some things are more important to her than family, she opted to destroy everything (and I played my part, I know) over eleven hundred measly dollars, which, once all is said and done and the properties sell for even a low-ball estimate, is the equivalent of...

...slightly more than 0.5 % of what she's getting overall (0.005352798 to be exact).

She did this for eleven hundred dollars. POINT FIVE. Half a percent of her total.

Apparently, my love and family membership is worth less than one-half percent.

Glad to know where I rate.

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Labels: estate nonsense

posted by Jeanne @ 9:06 PM 3 comments

Just... Help

Hypothetical question:

Your parents are dead. Their estate included two houses, one car, a bunch of furniture and antiques, and a big chunk o'cash. They said, you and your sister split it 50-50. They said, you can pick one house to live in if you want, and if so, sister's half of the equation is balanced by matching the appraisal amount in cash from the estate accounts. Zillow.com showed the two properties estimated close in range.

You chose to keep your childhood home. Your sister was thrilled because it's newer, and she anticipated it would appraise high and that Granny's farm would appraise low because of the condition of the house, giving her big money, and maybe you might even OWE her money (tra-la, tra-la).

Appraisals were done. Shock. Childhood home appraised much lower than anticipated; the farm appraised higher. There is a $60,000 difference between the values now. Lawyer suggested splitting the cash down the middle "now" (right after Mom died), and that the difference on sister's side would be made up when the farm sold. Everyone agreed.

Until August 2007, when sister decided that didn't work for her, and demanded that she be equalized in cash immediately, which would have left you penniless and no money in the accounts for estate expenses. You said, "Uh... no."

And the games began.

Since then, you've made countless suggestions (via email and sometimes by phone) to your sister over the past umpteen months on how to split up the estate money while the properties are still on the market. In every instance, the amount you're taking grows smaller and smaller.

You've watched your (parents') dreams of (your getting a) master's degree go down the tubes without the money to pay for the in-between classes that financial aid won't cover. You've lived with increasing frugality off of the savings you had (note the past tense). You've looked for jobs. Your field is dry, and it's even tough to find menial labor around here. You've put plenty of stuff up for sale (anyone want a rolltop desk? a stove? a washer/dryer? a banjo?) but so far, sales have been slow. You joined a band, you've done one gig for $100. You've decided to *gasp* sell one of your beloved horses because you can't afford to board two anymore. You can't really afford one, but... he's your first baby. You can't let HIM go, too.

You've wracked your brain about the settlement, trying to be fair to both. Sister has rejected every one flat out, claiming she's being shortchanged if we do it that way, despite the fact that once equalized, everything thereafter is split 50-50, and there are still two lots to go and they WILL sell eventually for good money. Sister has no faith that the farm will ever sell. Sister has never offered up any possible ways to split it despite your constantly asking her for HER ideas.

Farm got subdivided into three lots in March. Within a month, one lot sold for close to the asking price. Hurrah. More money in the estate accounts. Possibility of settling.

In the most recent attempt, you suggest splitting the profits from the lot sale that occurred in April, so each gets X, then leave X behind for expenses, and give the rest to her so she's almost equalized against the house and car you "already got" (her words). Yes, it means waiting a bit longer for "the rest", from when one of the other two lots sells.

She summarily rejects your offer, sneering, "Why do YOU need that much money?"

You blink a few times as you read this response, shake it off, and are glad she's 250 miles away and therefore out of reach.

She continues, "how about we split it this way—I'll get my equalization, and you'll still get X dollars, and there'll be some left behind for expenses."

What she's offering to "give" you or "let" you have is far less than you really feel comfortable taking, but you've realized she's not willing to forego one penny of her "entitlement" out of anything remotely resembling kindness, compassion or generosity (because apparently they don't exist) and you know that the amount will get you back on solid ground and give you a bit of a cushion until one of several things happens (the two estate-owned lots sell, your other house sells, you finally find a decent job, you win the lottery, a rich man sweeps you off your feet).

You look over the account balances, do the math, and see that yes, it is feasible to split it this way and it does leave a reasonable chunk behind to cover asses and minor expenses related to the one lot. Now that everything else has pretty much been paid, the only expenses remaining are things like a tiny water bill, the tiny electric bill, and insurance/property tax.

You reason that the lawyer's flat fee (THANK GOD he's not hourly and we already know what the exact fee is) can be paid at the closing.

You remember the lawyer said that closing means the remaining lots are sold, the last expenses paid out, the lawyer is paid, and the remaining amounts in the estate accounts are split.

You reason that even if the farmhouse falls down, the lot itself is worth enough that, in combination with the other bare land lot, it's a safe bet that one day, they'll sell and bring in a good $100,000 or so (if the house stays standing, more), which is beyond adequate to cover the aforementioned expenses and lawyer fee and STILL have money left over to split 50-50.

You reason that what happens to the other two lots is not that significant, because if you accept this offer, you're EQUAL, which is what sister has been squawking about for over two years (since before Mother even died).

You reason that it's in everyone's best interest to accept this offer, because it helps both of you out. It helps you get back on your feet, and it helps dig her out of her enormous debt.

You email back and say "OK, so I'll take X, and we'll equalize you, and we'll leave X in the account for butt coverage."




That means I've accepted her offer, doesn't it? We're agreed. She made a deal, I emailed back and confirmed that I accepted it.




So.

Explain to me this.

Her response to my email was "I think we need to leave more behind for expenses, X won't be enough."

Would you call that a blatant attempt to renege on the offer I already accepted?

Because that's what I call it. I also call it B*LLSH*T.

Because it seems that she's not interested in settling and getting "her" money. Am I wrong to believe that her intent is to work until she finds a way to make certain that I get absolutely ZERO dollars from the estate and that she gets all of it, by using every excuse in the book as to why it needs to stay in the account?

Am I wrong to believe that if one is getting 10% as much as the other is, the one with the most cash should be the one leaving a smidgen behind to cover their worries? Especially when the one getting 10% versus 100% is in dire straits and might not have internet service or food in two weeks if something doesn't break quick?

If I said to her, "OK then—what do YOU think I "deserve" to get?"...



I forgot to mention that she ended her email of reneging with the cheery line:

"So—is there anything special you want for your birthday?"



I'd post a PayPal button for charitable donations, but that just seems tacky.

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Labels: estate nonsense

posted by Jeanne @ 4:28 PM 6 comments

Can I Knit on Horseback?

What breed of horse are you? Find out!

You are... a Mustang, the wild breed of horse that roamed America in the 1700's and 1800's. Like the movie Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, you are an outdoorsy character, you'd rather go camping than attend the fanciest dance in town. Matter of fact, you're rarely in town. You'd rather gallop like the wind in some huge wild prairie, and you're free as a butterfly. (Okay, maybe that's a bad analogy...) You never have and never will have an owner... you're free! Your coat colour will most likely be: buckskin or dun.

---

Cute. Fairly accurate, too.

Well, we've taken the first step on the Parelli Pathway to Professional. Cheerios and I participated in our first PNH clinic together last weekend. My fifth as a rider (I've audited near as many), his first. I knew going into it that it would either be an absolute disaster, or a major growth opportunity.

I'm relieved and pleased to say it was the latter. Our instructor was 2-Star Trainee Jesse Peters, who, ironically, I'd met in 2004 at my last clinic with Wildflower—we were both participants. Jesse was still playing with Level Three at the time (it was a L2/L3 clinic). Four years later, he's on the road to 3-star... I'm starting over with a "new" horse.

Hmm, how interesting. ;-)

It was fantastic. I got a lot of strategies to use with my Left-Brained Extrovert/Introvert bi-polar horse—he flips between Extrovert and Introvert on the fly and sometimes goes into Right-Brained Introvert territory... eh, all this is better posted on my little-publicized horse blog... the point is, yes, he's a bit of a challenge, but yes, he is manageable, and yes, I have the capability to do so armed with new strategies. We made amazing progress. I had some major breakthroughs.

Thing about Parelli is that it's more about the human than the horse, and the Remudas (debriefing sessions where we discuss the sessions) turn into group therapy sometimes because your horse IS your mirror, and often I'll learn something about ME through my interaction with my horse. Such as what I learned about fear.

My underlying fear issues have inhibited me from being as firm as I've needed to be sometimes, which meant I wasn't being very clear about what I was asking of my horse, which caused confusion for both of us, and lead to my horse becoming frustrated because if he didn't know what I was asking, he couldn't find the right answer... so he'd blow up and do the things that create the fear in the first place.

Can you say, vicious cycle?

So I learned to step up and BE firm (but fair and friendly, never mean or mad) when I needed to be, and whoa. I was afraid to be firm for fear he'd get mad.

The exact opposite happened. First, I'd teach, gently. But once there was evidence that he had an idea of what I wanted, I'd nag at Phase 1 but not be very insistent (leading to confusion, etc.). Well, we changed strategies. I'd ask at Phase 1 (very lightly) and give him the opportunity to work it out, but if he didn't respond, move through the Phases and get as firm as necessary. Yes, I DO want you to [insert response], thank you. Then relax. BIG difference. Suddenly my horse has figured out, "Oh, when you start to make that motion, you DO want X. GOT IT." Suddenly, he was very motivated, calmer, and his confidence came up, which brought out his curiosity.

It's fascinating to watch, at least to me and all the other PNH nuts. To some it's like watching paint dry, but whatev. ;-)

Then there was the insight about my parents and my life. Yes. The horse clinic brought up unresolved issues and insights. My parents were my greatest cheerleaders (and annoyances, simultaneously). They were the ones who knew when I needed advice, and when I just needed to hear someone tell me not to give up. Since they died, there hasn't been anyone around to step in at those moments and tell me Do Not Quit. As a result, I've felt very lost since they died. The sad thing is, I didn't even realize this until Day 2 of the clinic while reviewing the previous day's events over my morning coffee.

The trigger was this: I was having difficulty getting firm with Cheerios' butt while asking him to move Sideways—his butt kept getting in my face and I was worried if I asked it to move out of my space, he might kick. Jesse showed me that wouldn't happen. It's about being the leader. He said I need to be persistent and stay with it until I get the response I'm asking for. He looked me in the eye and said to me, "Promise me this—do... not...—" and waited for me to fill it in...

"Quit?" I asked.

Yes. Do Not EVER Quit.

Really, it's like the Karate Kid.

So I'm mulling this over the next morning, and it hits me. One, this is how I've been living my life since they died—hitting roadblocks, not looking for solutions, just giving up or backing down. Quitting. Too easily. Two, the two people in my life who always told me not to quit were gone, and I really needed to hear someone tell me not to quit, but I had no idea how badly I needed to hear it until Jesse said it.

When I went to relay this during Remuda, I lost it. Choked on the "two people" part and sobbed my way through the rest. God Bless Jesse and the other gals—they all got it. That's the thing about Parelli people—they've all had these moments (the men as well as the women). There's an insider joke about how Parelli (like the rock band KISS) has a ton of logo'd items for sale, they should sell logo kleen*x because God knows we students go through it.

It was a big weekend.

No truck just yet. The estate... *sigh*. We went yet another round with the house sale, but THIS TIME, the contract is really, truly, finally done—I think—but it kept pushing the closing date further into the future. They almost had it moved to June but I veto'd that. I said "no way. It closes by the end of May or no go." May 31st. Hey, isn't that 1) a holiday weekend and 2) a Saturday? Oh, well. On or before.

Might not need one as readily, anyway. The barn manager at my current barn trailered us last time and as long as it isn't too far and doesn't conflict with horse shows, she'll do it if I buy the gas. Jesse's coming back to the area twice more this summer, and the barn manager at the hosting barn and I clicked and she offered to come get us if need be. So that's two possible rides. Do I need to buy a gas-guzzling monstrosity and a tagalong trailer? Maybe... maybe not.

Anyway, step one. I think we'll actually pass Level 2 (PDF file) this summer. (Level 3 [PDF] will be the fun one!)

I'm also proud to say I cleaned eight filthy stalls in record time with far less muscular acheage than before, and I seem to have misplaced five pounds.

Oh—and as for that knitting thing, uh, well, I managed to mis-knit two rows on my CPH while philosophizing with B the other night and have to rip back and figure out just where the heck to put my marker so when I don't knit on it for a month or two I'll remember where the cabling row actually IS.

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Labels: estate nonsense, gratefulness, horses, musings

posted by Jeanne @ 5:42 PM 1 comments

Closed—ACHOO!

Home again, safe and sound—closing went smoothly, so did the farewell to the house—more later, as I am having too many sneezing fits to be able to type. Cold? Allergies? Dunno. All I know is I've sneezed violently five times during this paragraph. More later...

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Labels: estate nonsense

posted by Jeanne @ 9:35 PM 0 comments

Bittersweet Farewells

Tomorrow is the big day. I'm headed to parts south to attend the closing on Lot #2 of Grandma's property and to say my farewells to the old house.

I'm taking the camcorder. Even though the house is falling apart and the interior, thanks to the renters, bears little resemblance to the way it looked when Grandma was alive, I want to capture a video walkthrough for my own memories. If I don't, I'll likely regret it, right?

Because the house won't ever be the same. The people who bought it (I think that last contract was the agreement to sell, I'll ask tomorrow) plan to gut and remodel 90% of it. They're buying frame and land. I'm sure it will be restored to beauty one day... but it won't be ours anymore, and it won't be Grandma's house.

Even though I know it was a necessary move to make if I was going to be able to pursue my dreams, it's still tough.

Even though it was tough to choose between my childhood home in the suburbs and an actual farm, I know I made the right decision because it was a farm, but not a big enough farm, and I'm not ready to live on a farm quite yet. I'll be traveling a lot during the next few years—who would take care of the farm? Heh. Right now, better to board.

Even though Grandma died in 1983, and was in the nursing home for seven years before that, meaning she hadn't lived there in... well over 30 years, it's still her house.

Until tomorrow.

Of course, I might surprise myself. I might find that I'm removed enough now to let it go with love. I hope so. Still, I'm packing Kleenex™ just in case. The batteries are charged for the camcorder, the tape is in, I've packed a change of clothes (because you never know, do you?) and printed out far more maps than I'll likely need.

I'm ready.

I'll be up around 6 AM. So, think happy thoughts toward me as I face this. For it's more than just a lot sale. It's another farewell to a very big part of my past. I've buried my parents; now I'm burying my connection to Grandma as well as a lost dream.

But it's for the best. My loss becomes someone else's dream realized. My hope is that the good energy I put toward letting go of this to make someone else's dream come true will come back to me tenfold when I seek my own dreams.

One day, I will live on a farm. Only instead of a home that should probably be condemned or that will take at least a hundred grand to fix up plus the money to clear the fields and fence them, I'll be buying a farm with a house that's ready to go, and a barn and field that's ready to go, and all I'll have to do is move us all in.

Happy Trails...

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Labels: estate nonsense

posted by Jeanne @ 10:27 PM 1 comments

Career Driven

Good news, my ovary appears to be intact and the bruise is about gone. I've never had a bruise that left behind a big lump, though—my ovary, perhaps?

I've been under the weather this weekend—nothing major, just a scratchy sore throat and a bit more urge to sleep than usual. So I rested. If "resting" can be defined as sitting at the computer researching towing vehicles on Edmunds.com, CarsDirect.com and AutoTrader.com.

Yes, that's right, I'm car shopping. Er, TRUCK shopping.

Yes, I know I might sound a bit wishy-washy... because I've been talking about music for so long that it might come as a surprise to know that I've made a different decision about my career options. Don't get me wrong—I still enjoy composing music for myself, but... when I think about hitting the road with a bunch of guys (or solo), playing in bars, and the whole industry thing, I get SO tired. What a difference from 20 years ago—just seeing a tour bus or smelling bus exhaust got me all hot n' bothered because it represented ROCK N ROLL to me. I don't have the travelin' jones anymore.

But when the sun sets on a warm spring day, or even a cold fall day, and the horses are safely brought in from the pasture, everyone's tucked into their grain, and I've finished my barn chores for the day, I'm a bit sad to leave. If the day included horseplay, or better yet, some riding, my reluctance to return to "civilization" is even greater. The smell of the barn is intoxicating to me. Communicating with horses is the most amazing thing I've ever learned how to do.

I know it's a long shot. I know it'll take a big chunk of cash and time to get there. I know there's a chance I might not have what it takes to do this. But I've got to do it.

I'm going for it. I'm aiming for Parelli Licensed Professional.

There's no reason I can't keep up with the music as well; technology and online sales make all kinds of things possible. I just have no interest in being a "rock star" anymore.

I'd rather be a Horse Developer than an Instructor (of people) but they allow people to do both, and Instructing is a bit more lucrative than teaching horses.

See, I've been listening to The Clearing Audio every night for a month now—it has affirmations intended to clear your limiting beliefs and let me tell you, IT WORKS. I'm feeling much more peaceful, motivated, and alive than I ever have. (Faith has something to do with that, too, I'm sure). One of the affirmations Joe Vitale says is this:

"Don't ask yourself what the World needs—ask yourself what makes YOU come alive, and then go do that—because what the World needs is people who have come alive."

Well. I really enjoy music, knitting, weaving, spinning, sewing, watching TV, reading, writing, blogging, and having dinner with friends.

But what REALLY makes me come alive is being with horses. Playing with them. Riding them. Communicating with them. Understanding them. THAT is what makes me come alive. I am a different person when I'm with the horses. Even more "present" than I ever was on stage.

Besides, the music career I once had prepared me for this. Being a PNH Professional means being comfortable as the one in the spotlight, whether teaching or as a member of the Savvy Team on the tour events. (Yes, there is still a touring possibility in there.) There are a lot of performance elements to this. Quite often, Pat Parelli's students go on the road and, for lack of a better word, "perform" with their horses in front of large audiences to music. They teach good-sized classes (6-20). I needed those skills.

As for the music, if I were lucky enough to be selected for a tour, I believe I can choose my own music. They do encourage original artists—there are about three or four who are students and musicians that Pat & Linda have endorsed because they write horse-related songs—Mary Ann Kennedy, Katie Drake, to name a couple. I'm sure they'd be fine if I wrote my OWN music to perform to, instrumental or otherwise. I write horse songs.

But mostly, it's about understanding the horse, and helping horses solve their people problems. It's revolutionizing the horse industry. I love being a part of it.

So I'm on the path. The path to Parelli 3-star Instructor is as follows:

• Progress through the three home-study levels (with excellence if you can)
• Assess and officially pass all three
• Do the six-week Intensive (Liberty & Horse Behavior, Fluidity 1 & 2 Riding) at the Parelli Center
• Get accepted into the Professionals Program

From there, I can go the Standard route:

• Do 14 weeks at the Parelli Center—4-week boot camp and 10 weeks of education
• Become a 1-Star trainee
• Spend the next year practicing (no pay—meaning, in addition to a j-o-b)
• Do 10 weeks of education
• Become a 2-Star trainee
• Spend the next year doing small clinics (up to 6 students) teaching L1 & L2/assessing L1 (for pay)
• Do 10 weeks of education
• Become a 3-Star Instructor (I have three years to get there once I'm a 1-Star)
• Spend the next however many years doing standard-sized clinics (up to 10 students), teaching L1 - L3/assessing L1 & L2 (actually employed now), teaching at the Parelli Centers
• If I'm really motivated, I might move up to 4-Star—only the most beloved instructors get there, and they have to have been a full-time 3-Star for six years. Four Star Instructors teach/assess all three levels plus have some administrative duties
• If I am REALLY LUCKY, I might be invited to be a 5-Star Instructor. But there are only FIVE of those in the WORLD. One has to be a 4-Star for eight years before even being considered. (This is considered "dreaming", LOL!)

Or, if invited, the Accelerated route, which is teaching and studying for three years straight on the faculty at the Parelli Centers.

To get and maintain Star Ratings, I'll have to do a lot of stuff: teaching, developing horses, taking courses myself, attending every yearly Savvy Conference in Colorado, being at the tour events, studying business and personal development (like the LOA!) and so on. It's HUGE. It's not easy. It's an enormous commitment. It's scary as hell. My plan includes getting a 14-month MBA (optional) because it could give me the edge over candidates without one.

Right now, I'm Official L1 (note that's LEVEL one, which is different from 1-STAR), studying L2, with a L1 Advancing horse. My plan is to spend this summer on L2, pass it, and get into L3 before the weather changes. This means attending clinics. Then go to Ocala for the six weeks next spring with my horse. Apply to grad school (if it still feels like a necessary option)—starts in June 2009, ends in August 2010. Work on L3 meanwhile. Graduate, then pass L3. Apply to the program for 2011.

Wow. I just realized... if I get in the program in 2011, then it's three years to 3-Star, plus six years to 4-Star, plus eight years to 5-Star, means... IF I made it that far... I would reach 5-Star status in 2027. At the age of 64.

Holy Moses.

Of course, I'd be happy just to reach 3-Star Instructor... and 3- or 4-Star in the Horse Development Modules.

So anyway, the truck.

It is possible to play in your own backyard and successfully pass the levels. But it helps considerably if one attends and rides in PNH clinics where an Instructor with a keen eye can observe you and point out what you can do better and help with issues. Cheerios and I have a few issues. So I want to attend clinics. We're signed up for one next month, around the corner from our old barn. The current barn manager is trailering him for me. But I can't ask her to trailer me all summer—she has horse shows of her own to do. So I need a rig of my own. I already "have" the trailer—the barn manager is selling her smallest one and I claimed it, just waiting for the estate to close to pay her. (She's holding it for me. She knows I'm good for it.)

Now all I need is the truck to pull it. The Buick Regal LS, aka the Mothership, is probably going to be traded in. I'm going used. I've looked at new, but after doing my research, leasing is out of the question (for me); buying new and financing is too scary when I have so many changes happening and not a lot of "time" for jobs in between career preparation; I probably could drop $30k on a new one paid in full and drive it off the lot, but... uh, that might impinge on my ability to move forward with my other plans (barring a winning lottery ticket), so... used it is. It'll be a trade-in plus cash and drive it off the lot paid for deal.

Surprisingly, there ARE a lot of nice trucks out there for reasonable prices. I've test-driven a bunch. Though I went into it a Dodge Ram fan, I've driven more F-150s. That's either a good sign, because they were leases or trade-ins on new (loyalty), or a bad sign (people getting rid of their Fords but keeping their Dodges). I'm not in love with any of them—one F-150 is pretty much the same as any other but for year and color. I really like that Pueblo Gold champagne color but the used ones tend toward white, burgundy or green. I can deal. If this PNH thing takes off, in a few years I'll upgrade to a 3/4 ton to pull a gooseneck trailer and maybe then I can pick a color.

So, I'm truck shopping. Wish me luck.

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Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, horses

posted by Jeanne @ 8:13 PM 3 comments

Animal/Wollmeise Lovers, Listen Up

My friend Karen (Knoobie Knitter) adopted an adorable doggie named Vinnie.



He wasn't home long before he underwent a big health crisis. He's OK, thankfully—story is here—but despite help from the pet agency from which he was adopted, the vet bills are huge. Karen is having a raffle to help raise money—prizes include Wollmeise, Yarntini, and Yarn Pirate Yarn!

GO DONATE NOW!

Brief update on the Lot Sales: Lot #2 is sold (that was the first one). Lot #1 is pending. We countered. They countered. We... negotiated an option. It's not really a counter to their counter. Their contract asked for an additional 3% (on top of 6% agent commissions). Our lawyer had asked me why we hadn't negotiated that out? Well, uh... because when I asked the realtor about it they said sometimes the banks won't lend the money without it.

Um, OK. So we left it in the first time. This time, I asked if we could leave it out. So the options are, if we leave the 3% in, then we need to ask a slightly higher final price to cover it. If we can eliminate it, then we'll accept their counter as is.

The odd thing is, when I did the math, we actually stand to make more money if we take out the 3% and accept their counter. It's weird.

The best news is that because two of the three lots are for all intents and purposes sold and because it gives us enough financial leeway to satisfy the terms of the Will and "equalize" distribution against the house I received, we can CLOSE the estate upon completing the second sale! The lawyer agreed—AGREED—with me that the third lot is a bonus lot and we can just deed it out to the two of us since we seem to be able to agree on property sales and since it's a 50-50 split.

I'm so glad it's about over.

In final news, I'm taking my horse to his very first PNH clinic next month. It's my first in four years, and my first with a different horse. SO excited!

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Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, friends, gratefulness, horses

posted by Jeanne @ 9:16 PM 1 comments

Seed Faith, LOA—It WORKS!!!

OMG!

Guess what was e-faxed to me this afternoon!

WE GOT AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now. It's not close to the asking price. But it is more than half. And, they are very willing to allow us to counter and to negotiate. They plan to gut 90% of it and rebuild—basically they are buying the land and the frame of the house. (And the outbuildings, I assume.)

This is all we needed to have happen in order to settle this thing.

Excuse me for a moment if any of you have God issues you might want to look away because I have something to say. I give ALL the glory up to God because HE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS!!!

I also thank all of YOU for adding your prayers and energies to this!

All right. Now for an admission. Because if I don't make this admission, I'm doing God an injustice.

I did something I've never done before.

Sometimes I watch Joel Osteen. Sometimes I watch Richard Roberts. Well, Monday night I was watching Richard, listening to all these testimonies of how people had a need, planted a seed and lo and behold, their prayer was answered in amazing ways. This lead to an argument with my brain (it happens sometimes).

My brain said "Maybe you should try planting one of those seed faith gifts." I said, "Are you crazy?!? We have bills to pay and barely enough to cover us through the month! You want me to give away a chunk of that to some TV ministry?"

Brain said "Uh, yeah."

I said "What if it doesn't work? Then we're out X amount of dollars. We can't afford to do that."

Brain said "But... what if it DID work?"

Me: *crickets*

Brain: "So you make a charitable donation. It's getting spent somewhere. Might as well give it a shot, eh? Because what if it DID work? Have you ever tried it before?"

Me: "Well... no..."

Brain: "All your LOA books say giving money away attracts more into your life, right?"

Me: "Uh... yeah..."

Brain: "Even the Bible says so. Right?"

Me: "Right..."

Brain: "Nothing else you've tried has really worked, besides a lot of affirmations... what if this is the push you need?"

Me: "Uh..."

And so I mulled it over and I said "OK, God, if you want me to do this, tell me how much."

It just so happens that RR is currently running a mission for $100 seed faith gifts. Well, when you don't have a lot in the bank, that's a month's worth of groceries. Or an electric bill. I was scared.

But RR says "If it doesn't impress you, it won't impress God." The idea "give til it hurts" is accurate to a point. You can't give and be casual about it. You have to feel a little something when you give. Go just past your comfort zone. Well, $100 was just past my comfort zone.

So I called.

It was busy.

I hit redial as the singers were singing.

I said, "OK, if they haven't answered by the time they're done singing, I'm hanging up and forgetting about it."

The singers ended.

I was about to hang up and of course...

I started out with my pledge amount, then I explained my need: to sell the properties in order to settle the estate and end the rift and legal battle that threatens to ruin my family.

I got prayer.

As the lady was praying, the weirdest thing happened.

I began to feel warm all over. Not just warm. Not a hot flash. Not "the heater in the cat room just turned on and I'm toasty". Not I have a fever.

No. This was bigger. I felt like I was in a blazingly hot oven—heat, but no pain. It was that burning. All over.

It was kind of like being in a tanning booth only ten times the heat (and no benefit to my Ohio pallor).

This lasted until just after we hung up.

Draw your own assumptions.

Now, RR comes on at 11 PM Ohio time. The show ended at midnight. I was already in my nightgown with my post-showered hair in a towel.

I was paying by check. Now, I could have waited until the next day to casually write my check. But I didn't.

I got up. Pulled on my sweats. Took off the towel. Found my checkbook. Wrote the check. Put it in an envelope, addressed, etc. Went out into the pouring rain at midnight, IN MY NIGHTGOWN AND SLIPPERS, and drove to the post office to make sure that check was already in the mail. As I slid it into the box, I released my faith.

I'm calling in tonight to share my own testimony.

It really does work.

These buyers want to close on the 30th. Or earlier. Skeptics beware—I know all the many "but what ifs" that y'all could be thinking, but... if you were to read the tone of the letter the buyers sent, you'd know as I do that this IS our answer, that they are very interested, they are open to counters. They said "Please consider this offer, and accept or counter as you see fit. I am confident we can reach terms that are satisfactory for both parties".

Tell me that doesn't sound like a motivated buyer.

:-)

God is awesome.

So are all of you who lent your prayers and energy to this. Bless you all.

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Labels: breaking news, estate nonsense, gratefulness, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 7:32 PM 0 comments

Sell

OK. Very long weekend with lots and lots of personal growth.

I've been rather long-winded lately so I'll TRY to keep this short. (SarahLou, I can hear you snickering...)

We've established the bit about the lots being the obstacle. I've put out the call for energy. I've downloaded The Clearing Audio (finally) and have been listening nonstop. The Clearing Audio, created by Attractor Factor guru Joe Vitale and Portable Empire author Pat O'Bryan, is designed to assist with the removal of counter intentions and limiting beliefs, the things that block manifestation. The concept is that by listening to the comforting new age music in one of three forms, your subconcious will release the counter intentions holding you back, and once they are removed, you will begin to receive nudges about actions to take to move you closer to manifestation. (The three forms: music only, binaural music with subliminal affirmations, or music with audible affirmations spoken by Joe Vitale. You get all three as a package for one very affordable price.)

Well, here is my partial testimonial. I say partial only because it will be complete when the manifestation happens.

I listened to the one with audible affirmations first (last night). Very nice. Went on to watch TV with the cats. A couple hours later when I got up to put my leftovers in the fridge, I got my first nudge:

Call your cousin in Seattle.

OH DUH. Of course! She'd been interested last year in buying the house to preserve family history. But the price was too high (understandable—the price was set because of the potential for subdivision). Now that it is subdivided, the price for the lot with the house is much lower—half—so maybe now it's within reach.

Long story short. I emailed her sister last night. I called the cousin in Seattle today. Then I spoke with two other cousins I haven't seen in years at her insistence. I'll spare you the play by play, but what I realized later after analyzing it was that I'd misinterpreted the nudge.

I'd seen it as "oh duh, call the cousin, she'll buy it, problem solved".

It wasn't about that.

The reason the house hasn't sold yet is because I HAD BLOCKS PROHIBITING IT. I had counter intentions that lead to my resistance to the sale even though I consciously wanted it sold. The block was this:

I was feeling very guilty about selling. This is our family home, rooted in tradition. My Mother was entrusted with preserving it and did. She passed on this entrusted obligation to us. My sister feels no such obligation; I did, for whatever reason, whether out of obligation to Mother or something else. I was afraid that selling the house was an insult to the rest of Mother's family, and that I would be ostracized from the family for doing so. I was also afraid of losing the connection to Mother's family because I'd have "no reason" to travel to southern Ohio if the "checking up on the house" excuse was gone. The house represented to me connection, love, history. I thought they'd all be mad at me for it.

What my cousins told me changed that. Not only was I granted permission that it's more than OK to sell the house, but I was reassured by Cousin in Seattle that I didn't need to feel guilty, that if it really meant that much to the family to preserve the house, they would have bought it so they had nobody to blame but themselves. The other cousins underscored the permission to sell. Nobody's interested in keeping it. It doesn't represent the same thing to them as it did to me. And the best part was when the last cousin I spoke with asked if I ever got down that way, and when I did be sure to let them know because they would love to see me.

It was all I could do not to cry on the phone.

Liberated. That's how I feel. I've been absolved of any guilt. I am now able to forgive myself, and to allow myself permission to sell the house. My connection to the family is intact regardless of the house.

I am clear.

So all I ask is continued support for the intention: Lots 1 and 3 SOLD. Immediately. For close to our asking prices.

You know, it only takes 5 minutes to sell a property. Buyer decides to buy, calls the real estate agent, makes the offer, agent calls seller, seller accepts offer, agent calls buyer, tells buyer offer is accepted, seller sets time to sign contracts. Done. Five minutes.

This is TOTALLY DOABLE within 24 hours or less.

I'll let you know when the deed (ha ha) is done. PS: I've been listening to the subliminal version all day. Over and over. I'm beginning to feel like ANYTHING and everything is possible.

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Labels: estate nonsense, family time, gratefulness, Law of Attraction, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 6:36 PM 2 comments

Shoveling Brings Clarity

So I'm shoveling stalls at the barn in exchange for board, did I tell you that? I'm also assisting with the teaching (training) of the barn manager's horses as part of it, Parelli-style, but more on that another day. Shoveling 40 wheelbarrows full of horse deposits tends to allow a lot of time for rumination.

Apparently, I ruminated myself into a migraine yesterday. But when I woke up this morning, I had clarity on this estate situation. (Apologies for the venom in my last post. I'm still learning how to take these opportunities to practice peace rather than detonate. I realize emotional detonation is fear-based, and I need to be more faith-based, so... anyway...)

What I realized is that I was focusing on the wrong thing the whole time.

I also realized that the REAL obstacle is NOT Nemesister, the estate "lawyer", or the estate itself.

The REAL obstacle is the two unsold lots.

If they were sold, the argument would be finished, because we'd know that within 30 days, we'd be closing on the sales, and ALL the profits would be available for distribution. What causes the argument is the open-endedness due to the lots still being on the market, and Nemesister's and my individual financial needs/desires.

I understand that we both have dreams we are trying to achieve, and we both have problems we need to fix, and issues to address, and that while we are both responsible for fixing our problems ourselves and are doing everything in our power to do so independently, the inheritance money would sure go a long way to give us a boost.

I understand that she must be in a horrendous situation to be able to overlook someone else's needs in favor of her own and to find it justifiable to go to such extremes to fix her problems even if it means hurting someone she supposedly loves. So for that, I can forgive her. It doesn't condone her actions or the method of handling it, but it provides me with a bit of peace about it. (Note: this is a really advanced concept for me.)

I doubt there is anything I can say or do that will fix this in her mind. So that leaves only one option.

I need to ask for your help one more time.

All you have to do is this, just like we did before, which resulted in the first sale occurring three days later.

Focus.

Visualize a post.

In it, I'm saying:

OMG THANK YOU!!!!! The two remaining lots SOLD today!!! We got close to our asking price on both!!! We close in 30 days (or less)! Sister dropped all the nonsense because we're dividing ALL the money in a month or less! OMG IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!

Put that positive energy out one more time. It worked last time—it'll work again.

I KNOW IT.

Thanks, y'all, for putting up with my drama. May you ALL be blessed beyond belief.

---

Labels: estate nonsense, gratefulness, positive thinking

posted by Jeanne @ 2:22 PM 0 comments

And I Don't Care Who Sees It

Y'know what? I don't give a F--- who reads this. Meaning, I'm not censoring myself tonight for fear that someone I don't want reading it might see it. Nope. This is truth.

I received the most preposterous email today from the lawyer handling—or should I say MIShandling—my Mother's estate. It contained some unbelieveable suggestions.

My "sister" (and I use that term very loosely as I now consider myself officially an only child because nobody treats their family that way) has suggested in the past that since she is in debt and needs money to pay her mortgages, she should be given all the money in the bank accounts NOW, and I should then wait until the other house sells before I get any money from the estate.

That basically means I am left penniless until I find a job or until my old house sells. (I've been looking while living off of my ever dwindling savings and what was left of my student loan. Well, I'm still unemployed. And they keep jettisoning thousands of workers into the unemployment lines in my area of the country. And I'm just about down to the bottom of my barrel. Oh. Wait. I still have my 401k. I suppose I could cash that in.)

Note that I have already graciously allowed her to take not one but TWO advances from the estate (to the tune of $15,000) to HELP her.

She bases this on the fact that I "already got my share" by taking the one house. Note. There are two properties in the estate. I was granted the option to choose one as my primary residence and the second would be sold and the proceeds go into the residuary estate to be divided equally. The APPRAISED VALUE is to be used to determine my half share.

OK, so I have the equivalent in imaginary money to one house on my side. (I still have to pay taxes, insurance, and utilities to LIVE in it, mind you, and that's not imaginary money.)

The second house appraised HIGHER than the house I took.

Originally, the lawyer proposed the distribution as follows:
I get the one house
We sell the other
We divide the money in the accounts in half
When the other house sells, Nemesister gets an amount off the top of the sale equal to the appraised value of the house I chose to live in.
We split the rest of the profit from the sale.

Fair enough, right?

Keep in mind that it is practically GUARANTEED that she will make the appraised equivalent value from the sale of the lot the house is on, AND there is plenty of money in the accounts, AND there are two other lots that will bring in profit. So it's not a question of "Oh, if the house doesn't sell high enough I'll get fucked." We made very close to our asking price on one of the three lots. Even if we sold BOTH of the other lots together at HALF of what we're asking, we'll STILL be able to match the amount.

Except Dear Shitster decided that it was unfair for her to have to wait for that (despite an initial payout of several thousand dollars if we did it that way, more than enough—I would think—to cover her debts unless she did something really moronic) and proposed that she take all the cash and I wait.

I responded, "Uh, doesn't work for me." Then I reread the Will, and discussed it with the lawyer, pointing out that what he'd said originally was the best interpretation of the Will and the fairest (and, uh, gee, I have bills to pay, too).

He said, "You may be right. But your sister isn't going to like that."

Oh. So as long as SHE likes it, screw me? Doesn't matter if I like it? Doesn't matter if it hurts me? Oh, but she likes it, so it's okay.

So I hear nothing for awhile. Then I get this absolutely insane email from Her with a very bizarre accounting scheme showing how I—and these are her words—OWE her money. She goes on to insult me, tell me how to live my life, whine about how hard she's worked and how she DESERVES IT MORE THAN I DO.

I went suicidal, but didn't respond to it. I mean, what could I say?

Luckily I talked myself down off the ledge, but for crying out loud!

Oh, but it gets better.

Today's pile of manure from the lawyer (and I use that term loosely) states that he finds it reasonable to give her all the money (oh, we're back to that again are we?) and...

Get this.

SHE has suggested that if I take ANY money from the accounts now, that it should be considered a LOAN FROM HER!!!!!!!!

And that I can pay it back at any time at 6% interest—

BECAUSE THAT IS THE RATE SHE PAYS ON HER MORTGAGE.

And since SHE can't use the money yet to pay down her mortgage, apparently it's okey-dokey for ME to pay her interest FOR HER!

[insert very long loud angry string of expletives]

AND THE LAWYER THINKS THIS IS ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!

What kind of dog and pony three-ring circus IS this?

First of all, THE INHERITANCE IS A GIFT. G-I-F-T GIFT! From MOTHER to us.

NOBODY pays interest on THEIR INHERITANCE.

Secondly, IT DOESN'T MATTER ONE GODDAMNED BIT if EITHER of us is in debt, or has bills to pay, or needs the money—that is our PERSONAL SHIT. You do not, as far as I know, settle the distribution of ANOTHER PERSON'S ESTATE based on the whines and circumstances of the beneficiaries!!!!!

That is not how it is done!

Am I right?

I mean, if that's the case, then why the hell even bother with hiring a lawyer, writing a will outlining how YOU want YOUR stuff to be distributed to YOUR heirs?

If it's as simple as one child saying "gee, Mom and Dad have X in the bank and they're dead now—OK, who has the most debt? Suzy? OK, Suzy, you get more cash. Oh, Tom, you wanted to use yours for college? Well... can't you get a loan? You can? OK, then you don't need it. So, you get a lesser amount. And JimBob. You're not working. So you're a lazy loser who is just going to fritter it away on porn and beer—so, I say you get nothing even though you say you need it. Why don't you just go get a job like the rest of us? As for me, I own two businesses and I'm a hard worker—I deserve it cuz I've paid my dues—so, here's how we'll do it. Suzy and I will split the first 3/4 and Tom you get the last 1/4 and JimBob, uh, you get nothing. Great!"

I mean, HONESTLY.

I'll bet they are both counting on my not being able to afford to hire my own lawyer.

Think again.

She's dead to me.

This goes way beyond where my spirituality is capable of handling. Forgive? Hah. Maybe later.

Yes. I know. Law of Attraction? Negative energy? I'm aware of this. But I ASK YOU. HOW is this remotely FAIR? My God, if my Mother were alive right now... my Mother's Will says over and over again, "divided equally, SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE". EQUAL. FAIR.

Not, OK, one daughter can pay the other interest—I can't even SEE straight anymore! This is unreal! How on God's Green Earth did I attract THIS to me? HOW? WHY? Where is the lesson in this? All I want is to settle it the way Mother said to! The way the lawyer initially said to! It's fair! I haven't complained! I never asked for advances! I took the stance of biding my time, being patient, and waiting for it to settle the way it's meant to settle, not pushing my agenda to try to rape my sister of what Mother wanted to leave to her!

I am utterly disgusted with her. Disgusted.

I was putting the finishing touches on an email to her, a very nice, polite, careful proposal about how to settle it fairly (yet another one). Then I got my email from the lawyer. I'm rethinking nice polite and careful. I have another letter, but it is sure to sever the ties forever.

Y'know what?

I'm not sure I really care.

---

Labels: estate nonsense, things that piss me off

posted by Jeanne @ 8:47 PM 2 comments

I Prefer My Faith Stirred, Not Shaken

Alas, we had an ice storm tonight, foiling my plans to attend InsanKnitty. Just going out to get milk was life-threatening. If I hadn't been down to the last tablespoon, I'd have just stayed in.

Now for a more serious note.

Usually, I'm upbeat, positive, a veritable fountain of wisdom and esoteric existentialism. Nothing seems to get me down, right?

Usually, that's the case.

Despite my latest epiphanies (which I haven't gone into here) about the nature of fear, how I realized I have nothing to fear because fear is just a signal to ask the Higher Consciousness for help, about how nobody can think my thoughts for me/only I can think my thoughts therefore what others say to me or about me should roll off because they aren't necessarily truths therefore they cannot control me...

Despite all of this, I'm in a spot.

It's a spot that is severely testing my ability to stay focused on the preferred outcome and stay positive. It all has to do with the estate, which has gone on far too long IMHO for something that is really relatively simple to settle.

It's very clear cut. There are two houses and a chunk of cash and two people to split it between. Mother gave me the option to keep one house as my residence because I'd lived there for most of my life and because I moved back home to care for them. The other house, which is being sold, appraised higher, so the deal is, when it is sold, the other party gets cash from the proceeds equivalent to the appraisal value of the house I've chosen to keep and we split the additional leftover and split the other cash.

Fair enough, right? The lawyer outlined the distribution in a very clear cut manner shortly after Mother died, and we were both fine with it, although this was before the houses were appraised; we both thought the house I'm living in would appraise higher. (Surprise. Apparently a house on nine acres is worth more than a house on a half acre no matter what condition it's in.)

It was just a matter of waiting through the Probate process before it settled. And it was almost over with last summer.

But then, a complication arose.

*sigh*

There is no way to discuss this without actually going into it, which I want to avoid. But it involves people who feel like they were less "loved" in life than others, petty jealousies, envy, greed, desperation caused by life choices that may not have been the best for them, and control issues. Somebody decided they were being, uh, less compensated than they felt they were "entitled" to be, and complained to the lawyer—who took their side.

Note: the complainee was NOT me. I have always felt that the equal half division was more than fair to both of us. After all, it's a GIFT from our parents—not an entitlement.

This placed me in a rather defensive position last summer and I've been trying to take the path of least resistance rather than giving in and fighting fire with fire because frankly, I see a mess of negative energy being tossed around, and I want no part of it. I know that what goes out comes back multiplied. I'm doing what I can to lessen the burn marks, so to speak.

And then today I get some news regarding the distribution. More cow kaka. More upset. More twisted injustice. If I told you, you'd think that it sounded completely ridiculous. It is—except when it's affecting you and your future personally.

It was difficult, but I chose with all my might to see this as a test, to prove that all the spiritual and emotional work I've done since discovering the LOA in May is actually sunk in. I made a conscious decision to look past the onslaught of negative emotions this news upended within me and to try to maintain the inner peace I'd finally won. I remembered something Joel Osteen said in a recent telecast, how when the enemy starts to fight you harder, it's a sure sign you're about to succeed because they're more determined than ever to stop your success.

OK, so maybe it's a sign I'm about to finally succeed, that this is almost overwith, that I can move on with MY life now, because it does seem like the closer we get to finishing it, the more some people have to fight to change how it's being meted out based on very shaky justifications. Justifications of a personal nature that have absolutely no business being brought into a discussion of clear-cut contract law and the distribution of the wishes of the deceased.

I was successful in righting my mindset for awhile, but it took me four hours to talk myself down from the ledge (so to speak) and some deep meditation before I finally felt centered and at peace. I thought I was fine. But as it goes, night did its magic, and by midnight, I was a mess.

I'm OK for now. Sobbing into 16 pounds of blue purring fur seems to help some.

It's just that nothing seems to be budging for me lately. There is plenty in the works that when it finally gives, relief will come; but it just seems stuck. I realize this is the in-between time, the space of uncertainty between setting intentions and seeing them manifest.

But I'm all alone in this. Oh, I know that God, the Universe, the Higher Consciousness, the FSM or whatever you choose to call that great Divine Life Force is on my side.

On human terms, however, there is just me; and then there is the other party and the other party is bigger in support systems than I am, and the lawyer seems to want to side with them ever since last summer (don't get me started on the ethics of this kind of behavior in a non-criminal contract law case where our Mother paid him to act as mediator—not Attorney for... uh... which one of us is the defendant in a Beneficiary/Will thing? Oh, that's right, NEITHER of us.)

So if you have a heart... please do me a favor.

Pray. Pray for me. Pray for a fast and favorable outcome. Pray for this nightmare to end. Pray for clear heads, reason and rationality to prevail. Pray for things to budge. See me posting an entry screaming with joy that Grandma's house finally sold, the estate finally closed and it all worked out, it went back to the way he said it should go originally (or better). See me writing about how relieved I am that my old house finally found a new owner. (Yes, there are three houses in my life; funny how I can be so rich in property and be increasingly worried about my bill-paying ability.) See me boring you to tears with more hippie dippie positive thinking BS when I finally manifest my preferred outcome.

Just pray, and send some good, helpful vibes my way. The cats and I could sure use the extra energy. While you're at it, send up a little for Tyler, too—he seems to be having a recurrence or it never cleared up to begin with.

You're all in my prayers. Be blessed.

---

Labels: breaking news, cats, estate nonsense, whines and rants

posted by Jeanne @ 2:47 AM 5 comments

Challenged

Something is changing inside of me. I am no longer the weak, easily manipulated, pushover that I once was. I am learning to stand my ground. I am learning that I am in fact smart enough and quick-witted enough to engage in a mental battle and stay standing. I can come up with counter arguments and turnarounds, stay calm and detached no matter what is lobbed at me, and am shielded and immune to exploitation and attacks designed to throw me off guard.

I'm withholding the details until it has all successfully panned out. What I can say is this: today I had a chat with the estate lawyer. It was a difficult chat, because I had to point out that somewhere along the way, the lines between the cut-and-dried verbage of the Will and the edges of the personal lives of the executors had become so blurred that the Will itself was in danger of being grossly misinterpreted. That's not how I put it, but that's the gist of it.

When the status of one's personal finances is being brought into question and/or used as a basis for fairness of estate distribution, something is very very wrong.

However, I think we are back on track, back to reading the Will as written, and interpreting it as we were initially instructed it would be, and leaving out anything extraneous.

People, when you write your Wills, don't assume that your darlings will be loving and kind to each other in their grief. Assume the worst. Hope for the best. Hope that they will rally and be there to catch each other, and that they will value each other more than a trinket—but write the Will to preempt the worst. Assume that they will indeed fight, get jealous, that underlying resentments will rise, that it will get ugly. If you even suspect that there is the smallest seed of jealousy or anything else negative, squash its growth potential in the Will.

Think of the absolute worst behavior they could possibly engage in, and account for it in your Will by being so specific that there is no room for misinterpretation or exploitation or for someone with manipulative skill to be able to sway another's thinking. Then, make sure that they know how much you love each of them in a way that they'll never doubt it. Make sure they are ALL your "favorites".

I'm glad for one thing. Though the past two years have been harder than any other time in my life, I have learned SO MUCH from it and grown so strong—stronger than I ever thought I could be. For that, I am grateful. I was watching a show on the Biography Channel the other night, "Six Months", about two people with terminal illnesses who were given six months to live. One of them, author Janice Chaffee, said she was stunned by people who told her how strong she was to be dealing with her cancer, how they would never be strong enough to withstand it themselves. Her response?

"Of course you would. You aren't that strong right now because you don't need to be, but when you do need to be, you'll BE that strong."

I thought that was the most profound statement I've ever heard—and absolute truth.

Labels: estate nonsense, musings

posted by Jeanne @ 11:48 PM 3 comments