And I Don't Care Who Sees It

Y'know what? I don't give a F--- who reads this. Meaning, I'm not censoring myself tonight for fear that someone I don't want reading it might see it. Nope. This is truth.

I received the most preposterous email today from the lawyer handling—or should I say MIShandling—my Mother's estate. It contained some unbelieveable suggestions.

My "sister" (and I use that term very loosely as I now consider myself officially an only child because nobody treats their family that way) has suggested in the past that since she is in debt and needs money to pay her mortgages, she should be given all the money in the bank accounts NOW, and I should then wait until the other house sells before I get any money from the estate.

That basically means I am left penniless until I find a job or until my old house sells. (I've been looking while living off of my ever dwindling savings and what was left of my student loan. Well, I'm still unemployed. And they keep jettisoning thousands of workers into the unemployment lines in my area of the country. And I'm just about down to the bottom of my barrel. Oh. Wait. I still have my 401k. I suppose I could cash that in.)

Note that I have already graciously allowed her to take not one but TWO advances from the estate (to the tune of $15,000) to HELP her.

She bases this on the fact that I "already got my share" by taking the one house. Note. There are two properties in the estate. I was granted the option to choose one as my primary residence and the second would be sold and the proceeds go into the residuary estate to be divided equally. The APPRAISED VALUE is to be used to determine my half share.

OK, so I have the equivalent in imaginary money to one house on my side. (I still have to pay taxes, insurance, and utilities to LIVE in it, mind you, and that's not imaginary money.)

The second house appraised HIGHER than the house I took.

Originally, the lawyer proposed the distribution as follows:
I get the one house
We sell the other
We divide the money in the accounts in half
When the other house sells, Nemesister gets an amount off the top of the sale equal to the appraised value of the house I chose to live in.
We split the rest of the profit from the sale.

Fair enough, right?

Keep in mind that it is practically GUARANTEED that she will make the appraised equivalent value from the sale of the lot the house is on, AND there is plenty of money in the accounts, AND there are two other lots that will bring in profit. So it's not a question of "Oh, if the house doesn't sell high enough I'll get fucked." We made very close to our asking price on one of the three lots. Even if we sold BOTH of the other lots together at HALF of what we're asking, we'll STILL be able to match the amount.

Except Dear Shitster decided that it was unfair for her to have to wait for that (despite an initial payout of several thousand dollars if we did it that way, more than enough—I would think—to cover her debts unless she did something really moronic) and proposed that she take all the cash and I wait.

I responded, "Uh, doesn't work for me." Then I reread the Will, and discussed it with the lawyer, pointing out that what he'd said originally was the best interpretation of the Will and the fairest (and, uh, gee, I have bills to pay, too).

He said, "You may be right. But your sister isn't going to like that."

Oh. So as long as SHE likes it, screw me? Doesn't matter if I like it? Doesn't matter if it hurts me? Oh, but she likes it, so it's okay.

So I hear nothing for awhile. Then I get this absolutely insane email from Her with a very bizarre accounting scheme showing how I—and these are her words—OWE her money. She goes on to insult me, tell me how to live my life, whine about how hard she's worked and how she DESERVES IT MORE THAN I DO.

I went suicidal, but didn't respond to it. I mean, what could I say?

Luckily I talked myself down off the ledge, but for crying out loud!

Oh, but it gets better.

Today's pile of manure from the lawyer (and I use that term loosely) states that he finds it reasonable to give her all the money (oh, we're back to that again are we?) and...

Get this.

SHE has suggested that if I take ANY money from the accounts now, that it should be considered a LOAN FROM HER!!!!!!!!

And that I can pay it back at any time at 6% interest—

BECAUSE THAT IS THE RATE SHE PAYS ON HER MORTGAGE.

And since SHE can't use the money yet to pay down her mortgage, apparently it's okey-dokey for ME to pay her interest FOR HER!

[insert very long loud angry string of expletives]

AND THE LAWYER THINKS THIS IS ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!

What kind of dog and pony three-ring circus IS this?

First of all, THE INHERITANCE IS A GIFT. G-I-F-T GIFT! From MOTHER to us.

NOBODY pays interest on THEIR INHERITANCE.

Secondly, IT DOESN'T MATTER ONE GODDAMNED BIT if EITHER of us is in debt, or has bills to pay, or needs the money—that is our PERSONAL SHIT. You do not, as far as I know, settle the distribution of ANOTHER PERSON'S ESTATE based on the whines and circumstances of the beneficiaries!!!!!

That is not how it is done!

Am I right?

I mean, if that's the case, then why the hell even bother with hiring a lawyer, writing a will outlining how YOU want YOUR stuff to be distributed to YOUR heirs?

If it's as simple as one child saying "gee, Mom and Dad have X in the bank and they're dead now—OK, who has the most debt? Suzy? OK, Suzy, you get more cash. Oh, Tom, you wanted to use yours for college? Well... can't you get a loan? You can? OK, then you don't need it. So, you get a lesser amount. And JimBob. You're not working. So you're a lazy loser who is just going to fritter it away on porn and beer—so, I say you get nothing even though you say you need it. Why don't you just go get a job like the rest of us? As for me, I own two businesses and I'm a hard worker—I deserve it cuz I've paid my dues—so, here's how we'll do it. Suzy and I will split the first 3/4 and Tom you get the last 1/4 and JimBob, uh, you get nothing. Great!"

I mean, HONESTLY.

I'll bet they are both counting on my not being able to afford to hire my own lawyer.

Think again.

She's dead to me.

This goes way beyond where my spirituality is capable of handling. Forgive? Hah. Maybe later.

Yes. I know. Law of Attraction? Negative energy? I'm aware of this. But I ASK YOU. HOW is this remotely FAIR? My God, if my Mother were alive right now... my Mother's Will says over and over again, "divided equally, SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE". EQUAL. FAIR.

Not, OK, one daughter can pay the other interest—I can't even SEE straight anymore! This is unreal! How on God's Green Earth did I attract THIS to me? HOW? WHY? Where is the lesson in this? All I want is to settle it the way Mother said to! The way the lawyer initially said to! It's fair! I haven't complained! I never asked for advances! I took the stance of biding my time, being patient, and waiting for it to settle the way it's meant to settle, not pushing my agenda to try to rape my sister of what Mother wanted to leave to her!

I am utterly disgusted with her. Disgusted.

I was putting the finishing touches on an email to her, a very nice, polite, careful proposal about how to settle it fairly (yet another one). Then I got my email from the lawyer. I'm rethinking nice polite and careful. I have another letter, but it is sure to sever the ties forever.

Y'know what?

I'm not sure I really care.

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Labels: estate nonsense, things that piss me off

posted by Jeanne @ 8:47 PM