Thursday, July 02, 2009

Pull Up

Monday was my birthday. Whoo. I'm only owning up to 27. That was a good year.

It was a quiet celebration. A friend took me to Olive Garden (at my request) where I partook of the Grilled Steak Crustada with the four-cheese pasta, unlimited salad and breadsticks and Asiago-encrusted flatbread as seen on TV. I've been seeing the ads and just drooling.

I'm happy to say, it lived up to the hype. It tasted EXACTLY like I thought it would. YUMMY.

The soup (no leaves for me, remember?) was so filling I had leftovers of Crustada and pasta. Plus there was the Corona with Lime, and the after-dinner coffee. Their coffee is REALLY good, did you know that?

My sister blew my mind and sent a decent-sized check. Never saw that coming.

And I have a birthday coupon for a buy-one-get-one-free entree at Qdoba.

Birthdays rock.

I did not get the job I interviewed for a couple weeks ago. Oh, well. God has other plans. I applied in person at two places today, though. And there are more offerings in the paper (to which I've applied). I don't think it's time to apply for public assistance just yet or stand on the corner with a sign—something tells me SOMETHING is going to slip neatly into place IF I can stay focused on it, and ignore the discomfort that is trying to distract me.

If you've read Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Joe Vitale or the other Law of Attraction (LOA) gurus, you know what I'm talking about. That pre-manifestation energy shift that causes discomfort within us, and that exhibits as impatience, anxiety, doubt, fear, hopelessness, desperation?

Yeah. That. It's just the signal that the energy is shifting to make way for the manifestation of your outcome, but we misread it and redirect our thoughts away from the goal and onto the emotion that's coming up. Then we derail the manifestation.

That's why people say, "I set all these intentions and did countless affirmations, but this LOA Shiitake doesn't work." It works. But only when we figure out the trick to it.

I've figured out the trick.

Plug my ears and go "LALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU" to all the doubts and fears that try to rise up in me when I'm not paying attention, and stay focused on MY desired outcome.

I have two analogies. One is like breathing through labor pains, which I've never experienced, but I had bad enough cramps that I can relate. The other comes from personal experience.

When Wildflower was still alive, and I was still a bit nervous about riding balls-out fast, we used to go trail riding and whenever it got too fast, I'd panic and pull her up short. Such a tolerant horse, she just sighed and put up with me.

One time, I was out with a bunch of friends, and one wanted to break off and "cowboy" through the woods—go fast. I went with her. We got up to a canter. Then, gradually, we sped up until we were galloping—or cantering PDQ. Faster than I was used to.

This was the point where I'd normally get a thrill of panic and pull her up. But on this day, I didn't. I rode through the fear. I knew I was safe with her. So, I breathed deeply. I acknowledged the panic rising, the adrenaline rush. I kept breathing, focusing on my balance and staying in rhythm with her as she chugged along, hooves pounding the forest floor, wind buffeting my ears. At the peak moment when every fiber of my being was screaming out PULL UP PULL UP—

I pushed my hands forward so I wouldn't pull her up. It peaked—the adrenaline rush was almost more than I could stand to experience—

Then suddenly, that feeling was behind me. It was like I'd broken through an invisible wall. All that remained was this exhiliarating feeling of hyper-awareness and joy. Freedom like I'd never experienced. I reveled in it as we continued to gallop along. Then my horse ran out of steam, and gradually dropped to a canter, then a trot, then we caught up to my friend and paused for a breather.

It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

And dealing with manifestation is like that. The adrenaline wall is like the misinterpreted emotions of fear, doubt, hopelessness and impatience that come when you begin to wonder, what is taking this so long? Why isn't it happening? Asking these questions creates resistance, which derails the manifestation. It actually repels it. The moment you say, "why isn't it here yet?", it stops coming to you. Even if it is RIGHTHEREABOUTTOMANIFEST. It just veers off to the side like a dog that charges you then gets distracted at the last moment.

To conquer it requires staying focused on the goal, rather than the emotions—firmly refocusing on the goal if necessary—and to recognize the emotions for what they are: the signal saying, hang on, it's coming. The manifestation is developing.

The energy of it starts small and rises to a deafening crescendo that peaks right before it manifests visibly.

That energy crescendo is what we sense, and IT is the cause of the feeling inside we identify falsely as discomfort.

It's not. If anything, it should excite us to feel this, once we recognize what it is. And if we recognize this, and ride it out even as every fiber of our being is screaming, PULL UP, PULL UP, stop the feeling from coming any closer... THEN we get over the hump and achieve our wildest dreams.

Let's watch and see what the next few days brings, shall we? ;-)

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At 7:46 PM, July 02, 2009, Anonymous Carrie K said...

Happy Birthday! Good luck on the job search. If you still need luck.

At 6:52 AM, July 03, 2009, Blogger Magic Stix said...

wishing you a happy birthday and many more :).
Glad you had a good one, mine last week was pretty shitty(nobody but my mum remembered).hubster is still in the sauce for that.there is a super cool job on the way for you, i can feel it in my creaky pre-fifty's bones.Good luck!

At 7:30 PM, July 05, 2009, Blogger Sheepish Annie said...

Happy Birthday! It sounds like it was a great one for you. I'm sorry to hear about the job, but you've got the right attitude. The next thing is out there and you'll come to it when it's time for your paths to cross.


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